


(Your Kisses) Taste like Come what May

by Shinri29



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo/Rose Tico (one sided), Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, Dirty Talk, F/M, I'm Bad At Tagging, Vaginal Sex, grad school Rey, lawyer ben, mild panic attacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2020-04-12 04:12:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19124341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinri29/pseuds/Shinri29
Summary: "I promise you will love her.  She's funny, smart, absolutely gorgeous--Just one date is all I am asking.""What has gotten into you all of a sudden.  Is this girl on the run from ICE or something?""Armie asked me to marry him."Ben felt his world collapsing.  His mild amusement long forgotten under the weight of a thousand unspoken words, missed opportunities, and imagined confessions.Rose's voice seemed to come from far away.  "Ben?  Aren't you going to say anything?"Ben swallowed, forced his throat to produce sounds other than screaming, or worse, a sob.  Oddly, when his mouth felt capable of speech, it was a faint rasp, no hint of the tempest which roiled within.  "Congratulations.  You deserve to be happy."o-o-o-o-o-oSummary:Ben, Rose and Hux grew up together.  Ben loves Rose, but Rose and Hux are together.  After Rose and Hux become engaged, Rose tries to set Ben up with her friend Rey.  He reluctantly agrees to go on a date.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N As noted in the tags, this story isn't really pursing a Ben/Rose ship. I'm a sucker for unrequited romance, but I get that some people aren't in to that. I promise this is a reylo endgame though.
> 
> Also, disclaimer, I work in the legal field, but I don't know anything about corporate law not yielded by a google search, so take my comments with a grain of salt
> 
> Neither do I know much about engineering so I'm keeping things vague. lol
> 
> I think there will be one more chapter, two at the most
> 
> Also, I realize the title doesn't make much sense, but my excuse is that I have a cold :D

"I _promise_ you will love her. She's funny, smart, absolutely gorgeous--Just one date is all I am asking."

The setting sun played havoc with Ben's view of the upcoming exit, and he pulled the sun shield with his left hand, letting Rose's chatter wash over him with only half his attention. As usual, Rose's feet were propped on the dashboard, clad in adorable Ghibli themed socks. For an offense Ben would have happily removed the feet of any other perpetrator who dared place feet upon his Audi, as was typical where Rose was concerned, Ben merely felt his eyes crinkle in a fond smile. They were on their way to meet friends at a family style Brazilian restaurant in Framingham for Hux's birthday. Hux was coming straight from the office to meet them there, while Ben and Rose had attended to picking up wine and the birthday cake before hitting the road. Unfortunately, the conversation had trended toward Rose's sudden favorite topic over the past week--namely Ben's singleness.

Recognizing that Rose, a veritable force of nature when she put her mind to it, would be unlikely to drop the topic without some kind of response, Ben inquired lightly, "What has gotten into you lately? Is this girl on the run from ICE or something?"

"Armie asked me to marry him." Rose gave a deliberate pause. "Tonight we plan tell everyone."

Ben felt his world collapsing. His mild amusement long forgotten under the weight of a thousand unspoken words, missed opportunities, and imagined confessions.

Rose's voice seemed to come from far away. "Ben? Aren't you going to say anything?"

Ben swallowed, forced his throat to produce sounds other than screaming, or worse, a sob. Oddly, when his mouth felt capable of speech, it was a faint rasp, no hint of the tempest which roiled within. "Congratulations. You deserve to be happy."

"Thank you." Rose was smiling softly, golden and glowing in the setting sun. Her shoulder nudged his playfully, but a touch of sorrow lingered beneath the levity and made him clench his fists around the wheel. "So do you, you know." Injecting her voice with a determined cheerfulness, Rose continued, "You're my best friend, well you and Armie. I'll make a big fuss if I don't see you even happier than me. You won't like it. Safest thing is to go along with my plans."

"We wouldn't want that," Ben drawled, almost able to imbue his tone with his usual dryness, rather than any of the anguish scrabbling for purchase on the inside. "And you're so sure that Rey is going to make that happen?"

"You won't know until you meet her." Rose's eyes crinkled in a mischievous smile, the smile that made him fall in love so many years ago. "And I won't stop bugging you until you do."

 

o-o-o-o-o-o

 

It was just a date.

One date to satisfy Rose, his best friend, the woman he loved, unfortunately, and likely always would, in some way. One date, and then he could tell Rose that he gave it his best shot, but that they just weren't suited to one another. Perhaps then Rose would back off and leave Ben to being quite happy alone.

According to Rose, Rey was a third year PhD candidate at MIT, so Ben suggested a restaurant in Cambridge for their date. While the city wasn't necessarily any less crowded on a Thursday night, Ben hoped that the university-visiting-tourists would at least prefer to find dinner in Boston and he wouldn't be fighting for a parking space all evening.

Approximately 20 minutes before their dinner reservation saw Ben perched on the more artistic-than-comfortable bar stool, feeling a bit like an overgrown bird as he sipped from a craft beer.

It had been more than two years since Ben had been on a proper date, and the weight of this inexperience left him feeling unaccountably nervous, despite his intention for the date to not succeed. Apart from the occasional drink with colleagues or get-togethers with friends of friends which at times had led to taking a woman home, and the "serious" girlfriend he dated in college, Ben had been comfortably single for most of his adult life. He had never tried Tinder, or any other dating App for that matter. Although Hux and Rose enjoyed ribbing him for the fact, Ben was just shy of a Luddite. Despite owning a perfunctory cell phone, he used it solely for making phone calls and texting, preferred handwriting his notes and sending the occasional letter to his mother, and his laptop saw little more use than Microsoft word and email, any skills above which Ben deferred to his resigned, 20-something secretary, Kaydel.

"Ben?" A soft, accented voice drew him upward with embarrassing alacrity, so his knees bumped the bar table with a wince-inducing impact.

Shit, she was beautiful.

A kind face, with charmingly arched brows and high cheekbones, only minimally made up in neutral tones, as far as Ben could tell, but for a sensual pinkish red lip. Rey was dressed simply, but to elegant affect in a moss green sweater dress with a high neckline and bell sleeves, over tall, heeled black boots. She was taller than Rose, with a small waist he could span with both hands, and modest curves compared to Rose's voluptuous form. _Fuck, stop thinking about Rose._ Her dress seemed to bring out the specks of bright green from her hazel eyes, currently crinkled under his inspection.

"Hi," he heard himself reply, hand fortunately outstretched in the normal human greeting. "I'm Ben. Well I guess you already knew that." _Smooth_.

Rey's lips twitched a smile as she accepted the gesture, her hand feeling small and callused within his own. "It's lovely to meet you, Ben."

o-o-o-o-o-o

Seated at a table cozily situated toward the back of the restaurant, far enough from the bar so that the rumble of voices receded to a pleasant murmur, but not within spitting distance of the restrooms, Ben felt some of his earlier tension relax as they went through the motions of ordering and basic small talk.

After clearing his throat to draw her attention, he ventured, "I heard from Rose you are an engineer. What is your speciality?"

"Mechanical engineer. My research is in material science. I've always liked getting my hands dirty, but my current research is a lovely blend of both practical applications and theory. That's sort of how Rose and I met years ago. I was lucky enough to tag along with my undergraduate mentor to a conference she had been giving a talk. I loved everything about it and was inspired to my current line of research. Then a couple months back I ran into her at a Society of Women Engineers event in Boston and we hit it off."

Ben raised two brows, suitably impressed. He had not heard this part of their backstory. "Wow. That sounds like a duo's origin story."

There was a twinkle in Rey's hazel eyes as she sipped from her Merlot. "Or the start of a rom-com."

Not pausing to consider the implications of that statement, Ben countered with a affected pondering look, "You are forgetting about Hux though. Perhaps it's a romantic tragedy."

"Romantic _thriller_."

"Are you planning anything nefarious to rid yourself of Hux?"

Rey made a scoffing sound. "I admit nothing! Actually, _you_ are an attorney. Will this conversation be under attorney client privilege?"

Ben made a slight smile, "Not that kind of attorney, I'm afraid."

"What kind are you then?"

"Corporate law. Mostly contracts and liquidations." At Rey's polite smile, Ben couldn't help but laugh. "I can see your eyes glazing over from here."

"Sorry," came Rey's sheepish reply. "Was it that obvious?"

Ben grinned. "A little, but I am used to it I suppose."

"So why corporate law then?"

"I come from a family of attorneys actually, my mother, uncle and grandfather. But since I have never been much of an orator, being a trial attorney wasn't for me. Corporate law, or at least my work, has a more collaborative aspect, with different parties coming to agreements in an often uncontentious way. I like coming to resolutions, the satisfaction of problem solving."

Rey met his eyes over the table, a warm smile curving those lovely lips. "We are not so different in that."

God, she was beautiful. And charming. And too good for him. 

Shit, he _liked_ her.

The thought overwhelmed him suddenly. And with it, an unreasoning panic bubbled through him.

Seized with the irrational desire to put a stop to whatever was happening, Ben broke away from her gaze to focus on an elaborate lighting piece of copper piping and yellow filament bulbs above Rey's head.

"Look, Rey," Ben began, after taking a generous sip of his craft beer, already feeling awkward. "You seem like a really great person, so I need to be honest with you. Rose sort of guilted me into this, but I'm not really looking for a relationship right now."

For a moment, a look of devastation crossed her lovely features, before turning quickly into a neutral expression, the change so fast that Ben almost thought he imagined it. Rey let out a light chuckle, while eyeing her wine glass with a deliberately pondering look. "Have you noticed that nothing auspicious has ever followed the statement, 'you seem like a really great person'?". Ignoring the flush that Ben felt heating his neck and ears, Rey met his gaze with a gentle smile. "It's alright Ben. My feelings aren't hurt. A bit disappointed perhaps. You have feelings for Rose, don't you?"

Ben took a few moments to sip from his beer, as he considered his response. Strangely, her forthrightness, rather than provoking defensiveness, compelled his own. "Longer than I should." he found himself admitting softly. "Disappointed how?"

Rey smiled demurely before taking a small bite of her chicken piccata. "I was hoping to take you home tonight."

His throat was very dry. "I see."

This was a bad idea. Terrible, in light of his earlier realization.

"My car is a block away."

o-o-o-o-o-o

"Oh _fuck_."

Rey had a lovely speaking voice, one given to laughter and spontaneous song. He thought so the moment he heard it. He thought it was even lovelier as a breathy moan, gasping in accompaniment to the obscene squelching of his cock ramming into her unbelievably tight pussy and crooning words that set his blood aflame. "Baby, that's so good. Your cock fills me so well."

Ben grunted, feeling himself harden even more at her words, if that was possible, and reached down to get a handful of her lovely tits. Her nipples were pink, he recalled, dusky and freckled when he removed the sheer black lace bra. Rey had been wearing matching panties, musky and drenched in slick when he mouthed at her mound, though she had quickly divested them so he could bury his face in her cunt.

"Ben Ben. G-God I'm close. Ben, don't stop!" Rey was babbling in time to his thrusts.

The teal alarm clock and cat figurine above her mantel began to tip precariously as he upped the power of his thrusts, hitting that spot inside her which would bring her to the edge. She was an exquisite sight--svelte, tanned legs and tawny, freckled back, pert derrière and pink lips above and below, the latter of which currently enraptured him, as he watched his cock disappear within her. The part of Ben not consumed with Rey clenching around his cock, thought idly that he hoped MIT invested in sound proof walls for graduate housing otherwise her neighbors were getting an earful.

The state of Rey's unfortunate neighbors was soon forgotten when Rey let out a choked scream as her climax descended, her cunt taking a vice-like grip on his cock and setting off his own orgasm. Waves of pleasure undulated through him, and into Rey in spurts of cum. Ben was never one to talk during sex, but a hoarse "Fuck," was wrenched from him. Lost to ecstasy, he ground his hips to her, hands gripping smooth hips in a bruising grasp.

As he came down from his high, Ben pulled himself gingerly from her body, aware that she must be at a uncomfortable position, and found his gaze fixated on her pink pussy lips, swollen and dripping with his spend. His cock twitched valiantly at the sight.

Rey was shifting on the bed, turning to face him, and it was her lovely tits and even lovelier hazel eyes that filled his vision, along with her lips quirked in amusement. "See something you like?"

Ben glanced between his dick and her breasts. "Maybe in thirty minutes."

An inelegant snort met this statement, and then Rey was doubled over in giggles, nose scrunched adorably in a manner which took ten years off her, despite the circumstances. Ben felt his own expression ease into a grin in the face of such infectious laughter, and could only watch in amused tolerance as she jumped to her feet spritely, pulling on a faded Radiohead t-shirt from off the floor before flashing him a conspiratorial grin.

"My roommate is attending a conference for the next three days, so we have the place to ourselves. You want to order chicken wings and watch Netflix?"

How could he say no to that? He promised Rose he would try, after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm soooo sorrryyyy how late this is. RL has been absolutely dreadful--for the last two weeks I have been bogged down with a series of daycare and stress related illnesses, and work has been pretty poopy too.
> 
> For this fic I have been vacillating between wanting a mostly plotless smut-fic and an angsty/plotty fic with smut depending on my mood. Not sure which one we are going to end up with. Oops. I updated the tags because I realized I'm not sure of the etiquette for tagging explicit material. Like is it good enough if you rate a fic explicit, or do you have to also tag what goes down?
> 
> Also, I realized belatedly it's a little weird for a third year graduate student to still be living in graduate housing, and Ben and Rey would have been spending an extended amount of time boning in essentially a twin bed which is silly considering Ben is an adult who presumably has queen or larger bed in his rich lawyer house. So we are going to pretend that none of this is weird.

Two days late Ben woke to the sound of his phone vibrating against his face.

Disoriented, Ben groped sightlessly for the irritating device, intending to shut off what he presumed was an alarm, and was thus alarmed when an all too chipper voice blared into his ear "Ben!"

"Hello?" His mouth tasted like cotton, scratch that, he still smelled something floral and citrus and the spicy scent of Rey's arousal. His dick, most obligingly, shuddered happily at the reminder.

"I'm outside your house. We're going shopping loser." The chipper voice continued, sounding more like Rose the longer he listened to it.

"Aren't you a little too Generation X for Mean Girls?" He mumbled into the receiver, scrubbing his face with the hand generating the intoxicating Rey scents, as he reluctantly accepted his wakefulness.

"Very funny. We are both Millennials I'll have you know. And Mean Girls is a classic written for our generation."

"Why are you harassing me this early in the morning?"

"It's hardly the morning, Ben. It's 12:45pm on a Saturday. You promised me we'd go dress shopping. It's your duty as my Man of Honor."

Ben stifled a groan, wondering why he would ever agree to such torture, although the answer, as always, was because it's Rose. "I don't know why you want to go with me. Shouldn't you be dress shopping with Paige?"

"C'mon, Ben, it'll be fun. Paige will be providing approval via whatsapp. I'm considering a white pantsuit, so you could provide valuable input. I'll even throw in a free coffee. We're talking Starbucks prices here. Maybe even Blue Bottle if I'm feeling generous. Then you can tell me all about your date with Rey."

Rose's words had a sobering effect on Ben, who suddenly found himself very awake. A quick inspection, however, revealed a sleeping, naked Rey beside him, looking delightfully disheveled and marked with blossoming purple. His dick was very approving. "Although that does sound very tempting, I'm afraid I'm not home."

He could feel Rose's eyes roll over the receiver. "I thought you just woke up. Where are you?"

There was a pause, which had Ben's stomach clenching anxiously for the inevitable explosion.

"Omg Ben. You're with Rey, aren't you." Her voice was deceptively calm. "You are still with Rey, a whole 38 hours after your date."

"Yes..?"

"BEN!" The delighted squeal whited out the sound for a moment, and Ben winced, glancing at the still oblivious Rey, incredulous that she remained unaffected.

Lowering his own voice in a futile gesture to encourage the same in Rose, Ben hissed "Don't make a big deal out of this. You're making a big deal out of this, aren't you."

"Ben! My sweet cinnamon roll. You finally lost your V-card."

Ben counted to ten, then gritted in a very calm voice, "You know very well that I am not, and was not, a virgin two days ago."

In a tone completely ignoring his previous statement, Rose continued with condescending magnanimity, "Ben, I've changed my mind. You are excused from today's excursion. But we are meeting tomorrow for lunch or dinner, depending on how soon you exit the Den of Sex. And I am expecting details!"

Although he would rather send his mom a dick pic (scratch that, that sounded abhorrent), Ben thought an expeditious end to the conversation was in order. "I'll message you tonight, okay? Hanging up now."

"Bye Benny!"

"It's too early for phone calls." The muffled sound came from his left, where Rey's face was pressed into the pillow.

Contrite, Ben pressed a kiss to her exposed shoulder. "I'm sorry, Rose called and I was just the right amount of stupid sleepy to answer it. Or is it sleepy stupid? Apparently it hasn't worn off yet...Although, according to Rose it's technically the afternoon."

At that, the tousled, chestnut locks shot upward. "Shit, seriously? I really need to get to the lab today or Amilyn will have my ass for skipping again."

"Shame, I was hoping to have it."

Rey, despite her worries, flashed him a saucy smile for that remark. "Maybe next time tiger."

However, in spite of Rey's words, her attention soon became fixated on his very appreciative morning wood, jutting against his belly. "For now," she said in a murmur, cupping his balls in one hand as the other glided up his length.

A soft groan left his lips as Rey worked him, her slim fingers dwarfed by his cock as they barely made it around the girth. "Fuck, Rey."

As one hand continued to pump him, Ben felt Rey's warm mouth press against his, and he opened eagerly to her probing tongue. Just as he began to lose himself to the double assault on his senses, Rey detached from his mouth to his weak protest.

Ben saw a flash of impish grin, before Rey was squiggling down the bed, generously pressing wet kisses on his chest and abdomen, skirting the swollen head of cock to his dismay, in favor of the thatch of dark hair at the base of him. Rey gave his dick a long lick on the underside that had him bucking forward in search of _more_ , at the moment, preferably in the form of her hot mouth.

"Such a pretty dick," she cooed, before finally wrapping her lips about the red, leaking head. Her clever tongue occupied itself with swirling around the head and sucking hard, as if determined to wring him of every last drop of precum. Ben groaned at the onslaught, barely containing the desire to pull her further down his cock until she was choking on him. Fortunately, Rey divined his desires, bobbing downward to take more of his length into her mouth so that his cock was nudging the back of her throat.

Caught in the wet heat of her, Ben knew it would not be long before he came. Would she move off him to let him jerk off on her tits, or finish in her mouth? Either way had him twitching in anticipation, and Ben wondered urgently at the polite way to inform her of such. Belatedly remembering his voice remained functioning, he gasped her name, "Rey, Rey. I'm gonna cum--"

Pleasure seized him from the base of his balls up to his throbbing dick and Ben had his answer. Instead of pulling off, Rey had chosen to suck hard, his cock still lodged deep in her throat, and he had no choice but to cum in place, great spurts shooting down her throat. Rey swallowed him down gamely, but eventually it was too much for her, pulling away with an obscene pop as cum continued to dribble on her lips. "Hmm," Rey murmured, licking the tip of him, hazel eyes stinging with tears.

Ben was caught between embarrassment and arousal at the sight. This woman was going to be the death of him, wasn't she?

Mesmerized by her sinful gaze, Ben closed the space between them to capture her swollen lips in his, gathering her lithe form to his as he chased the bitter taste of his cum on her tongue. Rey moaned against his mouth, the rubbing of her stiffened nipples against his chest a pleasant distraction, and her mound was a scorching, dripping mess against his thigh. Ben bent down to suck a pert nipple into his mouth, while sight unseen brought a finger to part her folds and circle her clit, which had her crying out his name. The pulsing, wet walls of her around his finger had his cock twitching in delight, but Ben knew better than to push his luck.

"So good, Ben," Rey was whispering, voice hoarse from taking him, he realized with a twinge of shame and pride. "God I want you inside me. But I really, really do have to go." Ben smirked at her words, and decided to supplement the efforts of his fingers by bringing his lips around her clit. A few swirls around her clit and Rey's protests were long forgotten in favor of gripping his hair in an unnecessary effort to keep him in place as she shamelessly moaned her pleasure. Ben kept two fingers curling into her wet heat as he sucked her clit, and felt Rey fall apart. Spicy essence gushed against his mouth and drenched his fingers, encompassing his senses with her heady scent and taste. He hastily removed his fingers in favor of licking into her with languid strokes, pleased by the adorable mewling sounds Rey made as she came down from her high.

At last Rey pulled away to fall back on the bed, delightfully flushed from her rosy nipples to her pink lips, as she gave him a grinning once over. Obviously the erection his dick, oblivious to schedules, was sporting had not escaped her notice. "God Ben you are the worst kind of temptation," she bemoaned with a comical groan. "You and your pretty dick."

How did she manage to make such crude statements so utterly charming? "Does that mean you'll play hooky again?"

" _Ben_..."

"Surely another hour won't make a difference. You need to take a shower anyway." Although the notion of Rey going to work smelling of him was appealing in its own way, he supposed it was a cruel and unusual punishment for her labmates. 

Rey was eyeing him skeptically. "Just a shower. No sex."

"Whatever you say, sweetheart."

o-o-o-o-o-o

Approximately an hour and half later Ben was pulling into the attached garage of his townhouse, his mind still fully occupied with the memory of sinking into Rey's wet heat, the spray of the shower head striking his shoulders doing little to mask the echoing sound of their cries of pleasure and the pounding of his cock into her pussy.

Entering the cool air of his townhouse after a two days absence, however, did much to dispel the incessant thoughts of Rey, like shaking off the effects of opium when returning to familiar sights and smells. His townhouse had a spare aesthetic, dark gray blue walls and midcentury furniture, an original John Singer Sargent water color that had belonged to his grandmother rubbing shoulders with an abstract silk painting Rose had gifted him after taking a fine art elective in university.

Given the uncluttered space reflected Ben's preferences for style over sentiment, one could be forgiven for assuming the house to be little more than a place to rest and eat between working days. In actuality, the townhouse had once belonged to his grandparents, and Ben had many fond memories of summers spent cooking with his grandmother in the charming, spacious kitchen and the gentle rumble of his grandfather's voice as he read him stories in the evening. Upon inheriting the home, Ben had remodeled the outdated kitchen and updated the faded flower print wallpaper to suit his tastes, but much of the furniture, including the imposing, mahogany work desk that had been his grandfather's, and his grandmother's copper bottomed cooking ware, Ben kept. If Ben spent more time in the office than was healthy, if he could not recall the last time he had made pasta from scratch using the antique pasta press or spent a lazy afternoon reading on the couch, that did _not_ mean he had a problem.

In a spurt of absolutely spontaneous inspiration, Ben made himself an espresso from his spotless coffee maker and sat himself on his worn leather couch to pull up his laptop. Kaydel had recently implored upon him the benefits of Freshdirect, and set up an account with his information already imputed. The next hour passed in agony as he painstakingly navigated the interface for ingredients for making pasta, with long gaps spent wondering what kind of cheese or mushrooms Rey would prefer, whether she would like a green tea tiramisu or whether a classic chocolate cake was more her preference.

It was only after a ten minute phone call with Kaydel to figure out how to complete his order that it occurred to him he was planning a second date with Rey. Not merely a date, he wanted to invite her to his _home_.

There was a sonorous drumming as if from far away. His hands felt dry, or was it clammy? A heavy respiration drowned out the Saturday neighborhood sounds. The dove gray walls were turning at nauseating angles--no, he was spinning, his head was hitting the worn leather. The realization, that this was him, this was happening, hit him like a ton of bricks. A panic attack.

Ben hadn't had one in over three years, not since before leaving Snoke and Palpatine, and joining his mother's firm after taking a needed two months off.

He forced himself to take slow, deep breaths, and focus on something pleasant--his grandmother's almond and pear pie, working the dough with chubby fingers, his grandmother's wistful smile.

Gradually he felt his heartbeat acquire a normal cadence.

Briefly he wondered whether to call his mother. Or Kaydel. Or Rose. Then dismissed the thought. Any of one of those women would ask him if he was still seeing his therapist, whether he wanted to discuss what triggered the attack. Leia would scold him and demand that he bring Rey to Sunday dinner immediately. Kaydel would rat him out to his mother and sign him up for a spiritual detox yoga class or some shit, and Rose--

Fuck. Rose would _know_.

_God_ , what was he doing? _Why_ , was he doing?

Even words failed him.

And Rey, Rey with her dimpled smiles and rippling laugh and way of seeing through him, had managed to cut him to the quick.

He needed air. He needed distraction.

A quick swipe of his phone (okay, maybe not _that_ quick, but it was a perfectly moderate speed for an adult man), had him dialing a familiar number.

"Hey man, do you think you could get away tonight? Without Rose."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said last chapter there will only be two to three parts total, but I am imagining its going to be more like four or five. Sorry, plotting is definitely my weakness as a writer so I have difficulty predicting length. I'll try not to take forever to post the next chapter, but I'm going to try to finish the other fic first.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it has been ages since I updated this. (I think it was a whole two cycles of baby-illnesses ago, practically a year in the current phase of my life). I started an in-universe WIP in the meantime, and I couldn't stop writing that one to think about this fic. Sorry! My goal is to have this finished by the end of the summer. Fingers crossed!

A step over the threshold and the familiar creaking of wood, weakened by time and salt-air, and aroma of hearty chowder and ale engulfing his senses, Ben knew he made the right choice.

Nestled between a trendy Korean tapas place and a shoe repair shop with flaking blue paint Ben could recall from his childhood, Takodana was sedate even on a Saturday night. Eclectic knick knacks ranging from a Rico Petrocelli bobblehead, a 1984 Bruce Springsteen poster yellowing at the edges, a carved wooden mask allegedly depicting a warrior of Venezuelan origin, to vibrant weavings of alpaca wool, lined the walls and cluttered the entranceway. Questionable decor aside, the whiskey, unpretentious beef stew, fries and a decent chowder on the menu had long ago made it Ben's favorite bar.

The proprietress, Maz, eyed him from beneath thick rimmed glasses and a bevy of judgement as he slipped into his favorite booth across from the bar. "Ben Solo," she drawled, giving little reassurance in either tone or posture, hands on hips and brow arched.

"Hey Maz," he greeted warily, as Maz stepped behind the counter.

At last the petite lady put him out of his misery. "I ran into your mother the other day. Said you haven't been home since Christmas."

_Right_. It wasn't like Ben was avoiding his mother, at least, anymore than usual. After quitting his job, and getting away from Snoke's insidious manipulations, it had been cathartic almost, reconciling with his mother and Uncle. _Your father would be proud_ , his mother's voice hoarse with tears of grief and pride. As lovely and neat as the story would appear on the cover or told over dinner parties when his mother was three Merlots in and giving him meaningful, tearful glances--prodigal son returned home and joined his mother's firm--things were still a bit strained. Their specialities of law differing as they did, weeks could go by without seeing his mother at the office. Ben made a concerted effort to call his mother once a month, or at least have Kaydel order her flowers or a bottle of wine when he couldn't bring himself to. "I've just been busy," he mumbled, unable to summon even a modicum of coolness in the face of such obvious disapproval.

Maz tutted at the flimsy excuse, but seemed to relent slightly, moving back toward the bar. "It'll be the usual then?"

"Yeah."

Silence reigned but for the hub of other patrons chatting and the slight clink of glass as Maz's weathered hands deftly prepared his usual starting drink, an old fashioned.

Maz brought him his drink, laying it down on a lacy, crocheted coaster. "You want the stew? I also have a Sunday Chowder."

Ben twitched a smile. "What makes it a Sunday Chowder again?"

"It's Sunday, isn't it?"

"So just the regular chowder then?"

The spry old lady made a swatting motion with a ladle nowhere near impacting him. "Don't be fresh with me, Benjamin Organa Solo."

"Oh I wouldn't dare." Ben took a savoring sip of his old-fashioned. It was perfect as always.

Maz was shaking her head, a gleam in her eye that should have been a warning of the subject she had been warming up to. "Just like your father, you are."

Ben forced himself to keep his shoulders from tensing. It was easier now, _breath in, breath out_. When he spoke, however, none of the grief and anger that had once roiled like an summer storm within him escaped. "I guess so."

"You should go next week, Ben." Maz's voice was so very gentle. "Your mother needs you."

"I'll think about it." Ben cleared his throat. A burning feeling was crawling up his chest to gouge his eyes. A judicious sip of his drink doused it slightly, but a distraction was welcome. "I'll think about the Sunday chowder too. Hux is joining me though, so I'll wait for him to order."

"Alright then."

After a brief pat against his shoulder, Maz went to attend to a middle aged couple across the bar, and Ben was left alone.

Three gnomes and a tarnished silvery ash tray shaped like a crab on the table beside him were his only company. Ben spared them a slight smile touched with nostalgia. The crab shaped ashtray had been a favorite as a child, tagging along with his Dad to Takodana on sweltering afternoons. A whiff of tobacco, his father's gravely voice and lopsided smile, _Don't tell your mother we came here instead of the zoo._

Ben had never minded. Maz gave him coloring books and the best lemonade, sweating over lace doilies. Uncle Chewie would drop by, ruffle his hair and tell stories about Mara, the Chieftain of Coquivacoa, who fought the Spanish Conquistadores, or of stomping through the rainforests of Java, weakened by Dengue fever and harangued by monkeys.

There was the sound of the bell ringing, a familiar red head ducking beneath a bright colored talisman. Dark circles starkly shadowed Hux's steely green eyes, but he still lit up in a smile as his long strides brought him to the seat across Ben.

"Solo, sorry for running late. Rose was piqued at the sudden boys night, and decided to distract me until I divulged the nature of our evening. Alas, despite her efforts I kept mum." Hux regarded him with raised eyebrows, a satisfied grin softening the highhanded tone.

Ben tried not to think too hard about the nature of the "distraction," while remarking dryly, "Easy enough when I haven't told you anything to divulge."

Hux remained unfazed. "I had high expectations the lovely Rey would be featured."

Absurd though the impulse was, Ben felt a current of displeasure to hear his friend say her name so casually. "You've met her?"

"Of course. Rose has had her over several times. As a fellow countryman, naturally I approve, but she's delightful company and holds her liquor well."

He thought back to the other night, of Rey, six drinks in straddling his face as he ate her out. "That she does."

Old friends that they were, Hux allowed the topic to drop momentarily, waving over an only too happy Maz to place his order.

Food orders taken (Sunday chowder for Ben, the stew for Hux, with fries to share), Max drew a IPA from the tap, while fixing her eager sights on Hux. "'heard you finally made an honest woman of your girl. Congratulations, dear. Shame Rose couldn't come tonight."

Hux grinned back, the same beatific look he'd been sporting ever since Rose accepted his proposal lightening his naturally haughty features. It was easier to focus on his glass and slowly diluting brown liquid as the ice melted, than Hux cheerfully accepting Maz's congratulations. "--tonight's just us. Rose sends her love." Shooting Ben a wink he could do without, Hux continued slyly, "Perhaps next time we'll be back on a double date."

_Fuck_.

Maz swiveled with super human speed to bring the full throttle of her bespectacled gaze upon himself. "Started seeing someone?" She cooed with feigned casualness than fooled no one. Already Ben could sense the gears turning--Maz wasn't one for smartphones, but in the next 24 hours he imagined she would be calling on his mother for tea, or using Takodana's ancient rotary if she deemed the matter too pressing.

While glaring at an unrepentant Hux, Ben hurried to deescalate the conversation. "It's nothing serious. Hux is just giving me a hard time."

The man himself merely smiled innocently. "Rose made it sound different. Perhaps I misunderstood."

Maz seemed a little disappointed, if skeptical, but she left them to bring their orders to the kitchen.

Finally left alone, Hux dropped all pretense. "Sorry, I had to tease you a little. But you know Rey would love this place."

Rey would fit right in to Takodana. It was easy to imagine Rey cozying across the booth, a tequila neat or a Belgian white ale in hand, cheeks flushed and hair loose as she gossiped with Maz and laughed too loud with Rose. She would love hearing Uncle Chewie's tales that sounded half like fiction. He could imagine her asking in that charming lilt about all the odd bops and bits in the shop, and telling her about the time he spilled a customer's beer over the velour bar seat or the time first he snuck a sip of alcohol and Dad had just laughed and Dad--

Dad would have loved her.

"Yeah, she would."

"Ben..." He glanced up at the rather serious tone, and solemn look Hux was sporting. "Did you mean that? About it being nothing serious."

Did he mean it? He thought of Rose, smiling sadly as she told him, _So do you, you know._ Of Rey's knowing hazel eyes. _You have feelings for Rose, don't you?_

"I don't know," he admitted.

There was a sound of huffed laughter from his side. "Dude, you have it bad."

Ben grimaced. " _Please_ , don't say Dude."

" _Hombre_."

"Please stop talking."

"Homie?"

The next couple hours passed in a blur of warm food and easy conversation. Hux let Ben off the hook for the most part on the subject of Rey. After Hux had drunkenly complained about the wedding planning for thirty minutes--" _Why do we need to have a rehearsal dinner_ and _a wedding? Why must the party favors match the bridesmaid dresses?_ "-- Ben surprised himself by bringing it up. Although, alcohol likely had somewhat to do with it.

"I don't know what to do about Rey."

"You should just call her, mate," Hux slurred with exasperation.

"And say what?" he snapped back.

Hux shrugged. "I like you. I want to date you? Doesn't seem all that complicated."

"Easy for you to say," he muttered under his breath. His head felt muddled under the weight of alcohol and confusion of his emotions. "On our date, I told her that I'm not looking for a serious relationship."

"And?"

"And now I don't know what to do." Hux was poised to argue again, so Ben cut him off hastily, "I don't know what I _want_ to do."

After a moment's pause, Hux rubbed his face blearily. "Look, Ben, I think you're overthinking this. How do you know she's looking for a serious relationship? She's what, 25 years old? If you want to see her, tell her you want to see her. If you want to date her, tell her that."

That seemed...reasonable.

Hux was right. He didn't have to have everything figured out just yet.

If he wanted to see Rey again, then he should just ask her.

Which was how he found himself standing on the corner as he waited for his cab, dialing Rey's number.

It rang a few times, a length sufficient for Ben's anxiety to stir to life restlessly, before a sleepy voice answered at the last ring.

"Hello?"

"It's Ben."

"Ben!" The voice sounded much more awake now. There was a low chuckle that sent a warm, molten pulse through his veins. She must have been sleeping. Ben wondered idly if Rey slept bare as she had in his company, or if she wore a ratty t-shirt over panties, if her nipples pressed through the thin fabric. His fantasies were interrupted by Rey continuing with obvious amusement, "I was following the advice of all those Just Seventeen magazines I read growing up, and planned to text you in the morning. Seems like it paid off."

"Oh." Ben considered this information for a moment. "I read mostly read _F &SF_. The fantasy and science fiction magazine. They didn't offer much dating advice."

Now Rey laughed full out. "No, I'd imagine not," she replied after catching her breath.

"I want to see you again."

Inebriated though he was, Ben could detect the smile in Rey's voice. "We literally just saw each other this morning."

"Technically it was yesterday."

"That should tell you something of the appropriateness of your phone call."

Oops. "Sorry."

There was another huff of laughter over the receiver that briefly whited the sound. "Look Ben..."

That beginning was not promising. Nerves bubbling up his gut, Ben was helpless against the flow of babble as he cut her off: "I can't stop thinking about you. The way you taste. Your cunt clenching on my tongue, the sounds you make when you come. And the way you laugh. Whether you like green tea tiramisu or hate IPAs."

" _Fuck_ , Ben." There was a weak laugh on the other end, overwhelmed and _something else_. "Are you always like this?"

"No," he breathed back. "Not at all. Never."

"Ben." Her voice was a sweet sigh. There had never been a more lovely sound than her lips around his name. "I want you too. It's just, well, what about Rose?"

" _Rey_."

His mind was in free fall. The ground beneath his feet had slipped away. What about Rose? He loved her, didn't he? He grasped at bits of thoughts, stray feelings, a warmth that was Rose's smile and nose scrunched in glee, and a smoldering burn that was Rey's lips parted in ecstasy--but those sum of parts defied revelation, no, he refused to summate them. He was vaguely aware of his panicked breathing, but remained in paralyzed impasse. When Rey spoke, her voice was tentative and gentle and far better than he deserved.

"Ben? It's alright. I understand."

"You understand?" he repeated dumbly. _How could she make sense of what he barely comprehended?_

"Yes." There was a pause, and a hitch in Rey's breathing. "Well, you want something more casual. I get it. We had a lot of fun together. But if you don't mind, I'd like to think it over. Maybe you should too, when you aren't drunk."

No, that's not what he meant. _Tell her now. Open your mouth._ "Oh," he said.

"Yeah."

"Oh."

There was a pause that stretched on and on.

Then.

"Goodnight, Ben."

His name spoken like a caress lingered in his mind long into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boo!! Yeah I know that's kind of a sucky place to end.
> 
> The good news is I wrote a chapter twice as long as usual out of the desire to have Rey appear, and ended up writing 4,300 words or 11 pages on Pages. Since this felt like a natural break, I decided to split it in two. Next chapter will be posted right after this.
> 
> Also, you'll notice I put a final chapter count of 6. Chapter 5 will be the last, and Chapter 6 an epilogue


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I was just giving it a glance over for spelling/grammar

Over the next couple days, Ben was a distracted mess, his mind going over the drunken phone call, eyeing his silent phone with recrimination. _You absolute moron_ , he scolded himself pointlessly. _Completely fucked it up. You should apologize now, promise to stay away from her. No, beg her to give you another chance._

His poor mood resulted in clipped words and a disaster with a clogged printer and inappropriate language muttered in a slightly unquiet voice. Bearing the burnt of his attitude, Kaydel became more and more chillingly polite in way that promised an unpleasant dressing down from his mother. Knowing it was unfair and unprofessional to punish Kaydel for his personal woes, Ben made an effort to rein in his temper, and gave her Friday off with a strained smile.

He told Rose by text message that he was too hung over to meet on Sunday (only partially a lie), and too swamped at work to meet during the week (mostly truthful). In response he received a sprawl of messages ranging from disbelief, cajoling to affectionate.

_Armie told me someting happened with Rey_  
Don’t worry he didn’t give me any details so you don’t need to kill him  
We’ve already paid our non refundable deposit for the venue, so please don’t   
Anyway  
So while I’m bummmed out and offended your confiding in Armie instead of me, I still love you. I’m here whenever you need to talk, Kay? 

Ben had ruminated over how to reply, and finally determined a simple, _Thank you, Rose_ , would suffice.

When the Wednesday workday trundled to a grueling end, Ben had already resigned himself to an evening of take out from that Thai place, shower and bed, before, he assumed, he would succumb to the desire to shamefully jerk off while thinking of Rey.

It was then his phone vibrated upon the desk, the notification drawing his gaze like a siren.

_I'm free tomorrow night. Your place alright?_

o-o-o-o-o-o

On Wednesday Ben left work early.

Kaydel wore an enigmatic smile as Poe Dameron from litigation raised two eyebrows at the sight, having come to flirt with his assistant or ask a favor, Ben hardly cared to investigate. "Leaving early, Solo? Did you read a self-help article on Buzzfeed?"

With a delighted smile which made Dameron recoil as if approached by a grizzly, Ben told him cheerfully, "Fuck you, Dameron."

He was nearly at the elevator when he heard Dameron exclaim, "He must be getting laid."

Ben was already gone before Kaydel could respond.

o-o-o-o-o-o

Once home, Ben uncovered Grandma Paddie's old pasta press from its faded daffodil quilt, pulled the yellowing recipe cards lovingly scripted in elegant calligraphy from their tin box, and got to work. Despite the tempo which sped his hands and pounded his heart, Ben felt oddly relaxed.

Rey was coming in two hours.

Perhaps he could show her what he couldn't express with words.

Although Ben had been partial to the green tea tiramisu for dessert, there were too many steps on top of the dinner menu, and decided a flourless chocolate cake topped with raspberries would be simpler and quicker to accomplish in the time remaining.

The pasta would be boiled right before serving, and the sauce--lemon and fresh Parmesan, crimini mushrooms and garlic--could be thrown together quickly after Rey arrived, therefore Ben only prepared the raw ingredients for now, zesting the lemon, grating the parmesan, slicing mushrooms and mincing garlic. This accomplished, and the cake left cooling on the counter, Ben hurried to take a quick shower. Anticipation for Rey's arrival heating his blood, Ben's thoughts turned inevitably to Rey's lithe form under the shower stream, rubbing her hard clit until her taut muscles clenched and pulsed around his cock. It was tempting to find some relief, take the edge off the energy building within him. But he resisted, fitting his half-hard dick into his briefs, and finished dressing efficiently in a comfortable pair of dark wash jeans and a black cashmere sweater.

Having checked his spotless counters for non-existent stains, and wooden floors for debris-- _As if she were planning an inspection_ \--and glanced out the window three times in the last twenty minutes, at last there was a knock on the door.

Ben moved with the alacrity of one who did little studying of teenage dating advice columns to open the door.

"Hi." Rey's voice was breathless and her face spoke the same wordless joy at reuniting. 

"Hi."

God, she was beautiful.

Ben barely paused to admire the body skimming white jumpsuit and plunging V neckline beneath a black leather jacket, her flowing chestnut waves and glowing smile, before their lips crashed together.

It was easy to become lost in the softness of her lips, the little sighs she could not suppress as he caressed her tongue with his. Here there was no confusion, no muddled words, only a sweet understanding in the press of her pebbled nipples through the white fabric against his chest, their bodies moving in tandem toward the butcher block countertop, and Rey's slim legs winding around his waist. In a brief clearing of the fog of lust, Ben noticed her jacket was gone, only fragile white ties knotted at each shoulder keeping her breasts from tumbling out. Too impatient to untie them, Ben shoved the fabric down her shoulders and stared in awe.

Rey gave a low laugh, unself-conscious of her bare chest, murmuring, "A bra would have shown."

Taking her husky voice and fingers wandering through his locks as an invitation, Ben lowered his lips over one dusky nipple and sucked the soft flesh into his mouth.

Rey gave a hoarse cry, jutting her hips forward in search of friction, and Ben was happy to oblige, leaning her backwards, arms tight about his neck, to escalate his attentions.

"After that phone call, Saturday night, I touched myself thinking of you. Of your mouth. Your cock. It wasn't enough. I was sore after you split me open, but I still wanted more."

His semi from the shower had long risen to full mast, but if the press of Rey's body and hot mouth had him on the edge, the filthy words spoken in Rey's lilting accent had his cock twitching and leaking in the confines of his jeans.

Rey seemed to divine the power of her words, mouthing at his neck and pulling him upright with one hand as the other pawed at his clothing. "Please Ben," she whimpered, "I need you inside me."

Ben didn't need telling twice. There was a mad scramble as they worked to remove the impediment of clothing. Rey's trilling laughter as he fumbled to first discover the location of, then navigate amid the thick fabric, of the zipper to her jumpsuit did much to soothe his embarrassment and nerves.

"I probably should have worn a dress," Rey admitted, as she braced herself on his shoulders, kicking off nude heels and the rest of the jumpsuit, standing before him only in a white lace thong and a cloud of dark hair. "Now you," she whispered, picking up on his reverent silence.

After quickly removing his sweater to provide cushioning on the countertop, Ben gently shifted Rey back onto the counter (mentally grateful he had wrapped the pasta ingredients and placed them back into the refrigerator before his shower) and let his hands fall to the side.

"Come here."

When had it become so natural to follow her lead?

Rey brought a trembling hand to his jaw, lingering against his stubble, and his eyes shuttered closed at the press of her lips against the corner of his mouth, then trailed lower in lazy, wet strokes of tongue and teeth.

"Rey," he growled at last, when she latched on to the base of his throat, heart thundering erratically, and hips thrusting to grind his erection into her lace crotch.

He felt her lips smile against his throat, then movement as she shifted backward to admire her handiwork, pupils a languid, molten black.

"Ben," she sighed.

Then she was reaching forward to unzip his jeans, the sound somehow obscenely loud, and pulling him from his briefs. She gave his dick a few pumps with one hand, the motions steady and lingering and slow.

" _Fuck_."

Rey bared her teeth in a smile, pleased as the cat that got the cream.

Suddenly she was as impatient and wanting as he, the teasing minx revealed as merely a facade. Rey pulled him forward so that the blunt, leaking head of his cock rubbed against the damp lace of her thong, letting out a cry as he repeated the motion.

And Ben could feel the scorching wetness of her even through the thin fabric, marveling how with one push, he could tear through the flimsy material and be inside her. As appealing as the brutish action was to his hindbrain, Ben made to peel sodden lace away, when Rey squirmed within his grasp.

"Just do this," she breathed against his neck, a hand slithering down between her legs to move the lace to the side, parting her slick labia in soft touches that had her lips sighing.

Ben was eager to replace her fingers with his own, coating his blunter finger in clear essence along her slit, and dragging the digit to the apex, pushing the hood away from her pink nub and circling until she cried out.

Rey indulged his touches as her climax receded for a few moments, and then she was guiding his cock inside her.

As the head of his cock nudged inside her entrance, Ben was reminded of the tight fit of her pulsing, wet walls. Rey made a slight wince as he pressed forward an inch.

"Are you alright? Do you need me to stop?"

But Rey shook her head firmly. "I don't want to stop. Please Ben, keep going." 

Ben dutifully pushed inside her, engulfed by the familiar feeling of taut muscles simultaneously resisting his intrusion and sucking him inward. It was the same and different than before, enveloped by her warmth, watching the impossibility of his length disappearing inside her. What was it about Rey? he wondered, gazing into her hazel eyes, crinkled and watery, then down to her lips, parted in a silent gasp. "Rey," he murmured, pulling her into a tender kiss. "Still good?"

Rey made a sound against him, pitching forward so her lips mouthed upon his neck. "So good, Ben. You can move now."

They fell into a rhythm then, the squelching of his cock thrusting echoing in the kitchen, and interspersed with their stuttered cries and soft pounding of Rey's heels against his ass.

When Ben felt a tightening in his balls signaling the approach of his release, he shifted his grip on Rey's ass, laying her down as gently as possible to give himself a deeper angle. As he plunged within her again, his thrusts went deeper and Rey arched upon the counter, breasts as lovely as a Grecian goddess inclined on a divan.

"Touch yourself, Rey." The words were both entreaty and command.

She obeyed with serenity, eyes fluttering shut as her slim fingers worked her clit until her legs were shaking and her inner walls pulsing.

Ben grunted, willing himself not to climax until Rey was fully over the edge, and powered his thrusts with as much strength as possible.

And then her walls were clenching around his clock, a wail wrenched from her throat as her orgasm tore through her.

Caught in the warm, wet pulsing of her climax, Ben was helpless but be caught in her ecstasy, spurting into her with a relief that shook him to his core.

It felt like an embarrassing duration that his cock continued to expel cum into her pussy, while Rey opened her eyes lazily, sated and drowsy.

"Hi."

"Hi."

They both chuckled a bit awkwardly.

"Are you hungry?" He asked tentatively, acutely aware of his softening cock still inside her, the uncomfortable position of their bodies.

Rey beamed. Apparently he said the right thing for once.

"Starving."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will Ben finally learn to use his big boy words?  
> Will Rey and Ben eat that pasta?
> 
> Tune in next time!  
> Could you tell I was hungry while writing this gratuitous preparations scene?
> 
> Like I mentioned last chapter, this ended up longer than I planned, mostly because I wanted Rey to make an appearance. They didn't do much yet, but I promise we will pick where we left off. (I promise they ate the pasta)
> 
> Despite how much smut is in this fic, I really agonize while writing it. haha  
> Whenever I decide to drink wine while writing, this seems to happen:
> 
> Writing under the influence me: At the end they bang! It will be glorious and at least 2000 words!  
> Sober me the next day: ugghhhhh. How long does it take to write them banging? What about their pasta??  
> The next next day me editing: it is what it is
> 
> Since I forgot to add this to last chapter:  
> About Maz's bar, I love old places filled with junk collected over the years from a life spent wisely, so opinions on the decor are Ben's and not mine. lol. My headcanon on the decor is Chewie traveled a lot for work, and brought Maz something from each of his travels.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween!
> 
> In celebration of my favorite sort-of-holiday, I wanted to post something today, and this is what finished first. Har.
> 
> It's definitely not the end of summer nor is this bad boy done yet, but our kiddos finally get to a talkin'...

It was half-way through dinner, pasta nearly demolished and a dry red a third gone before Ben found the fortitude to speak.

 _Speak_ speak that is.

They chatted plenty, naturally, before that moment in time. Ben regaled her with Hux's teasing and Maz's warm nosiness from the other night, Takodana's homey vibe and promises to bring her next time. Rey, for her part, was delighted at the notion, and filled him in on her advisor's dry amusement at her tardiness on Saturday, of long days in lab and too many cups of coffee, of her best friend and fellow third year Finn. Pleasant though these topics were, and as enjoyable as they carried them, Ben knew whatever tenuous future was flowering before them, it would never flourish if he did not make himself clear.

A time comes when a man has to accept that he isn't the man he imagined he would be as a boy, and take responsibility for the man he is.

Even now Ben can hear his father's familiar baritone, the hint of tobacco and the slight crack betraying that his father was bullshitting his way through more fatherly advice.

Ben gave a low sigh, and let his cutlery rest against the plate, studying Rey beneath his lashes. _Time to take responsibility_.

Rey, becoming aware of his regard, tilted her head to the side, a wave of soft curls cascading over her shoulder. Still, instead of speaking, she merely raised a brow and let a smile bloom across her tinted lips.

"I didn't think you would message me," Ben admitted.

"I almost didn't."

Surprised a bit by her candid response, impulsively he asked, "Why did you?" before immediately retracting it. "No wait, don't answer that. You deserve to hear my answer first."

Rey seemed to inhale a breath and hold it, watching him carefully as she whispered, "Your answer?"

 _God_ , he was nervous. His left leg was shaking beneath the table, and he resisted the urge to down the two fingers of Malbec left in his glass. "To the question you meant but didn't ask. Will I love you? Will I give you myself, and not just the leftover pieces?"

A pin drop would have shattered the silence which descended after his low pronouncement. Ben took a deep breath, and forged onward, encouraged by the intensity of emotion swirling in Rey's hazel depths. "And the answer is _yes_. Maybe not right now, but I know that I _will_. The way I feel about you already is so...intense, and we've only just met. It _terrifies_ me."

Tears were streaming freely down Rey's cheeks, but she seemed unable or unwilling to wipe them.

Ben hesitated, but felt it was only fair he tell her all of it. "The way I feel about you and Rose is so different, but I have never felt this way about someone before...I mean it when I say I'll give you all of me. Will you give me a chance to prove it to you?"

Rey made a soft sound, half laugh and half cry, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "Of course I will." Letting loose another laugh, Rey scrambled to her feet and Ben was quick to intercept her.

Rey was a contradiction of softness and hard muscles in his arms. As he buried his face into her hair, he inhaled the mild scent of citrus, warm skin and sex, a mellow sweetness that was Rey alone. "I'm scared too," she was mumbling into his chest. "Those two days together...it meant something to me. So when I thought you wanted things casual, it _hurt_. It's _stupid_ and _annoying_ caring this much about someone but I was willing to take a chance." Rey pulled away slightly to look up with watery eyes. "I needed to see you."

"I'm so glad you did. Thank you. I'm so sorry I let you think that."

Their faces as close as they were, inertia seemed to draw their lips together, an inexorable gravity between two parts of a whole. The kiss was slow and deep, and contained a promise of those to come.

When they parted, it was with smiles and lingering caresses.

"Ben?"

There was a whisper of fabric, of Rey's hands sliding over his abdomen, nails just dragging against the skin and slipping beneath the waistband. He felt himself harden at her teasing caress.

"Yes Rey?"

"Can we eat the chocolate cake? And then will you take me to bed?"

Ben looked down at her grin, hazel eyes still damp, tear tracks dried upon her skin, and absolutely stunning. Pressing a soft kiss upon her upturned nose, he replied, "I'd never have it any other way."

o-o-o-o-o-o

When they moved from sharing beatific grins and on Rey's part, moaning over bites of chocolate cake and tea ( _"Ben, this cake is so good it's practically orgasmic,"_ ) and wandered the short distance to his bedroom, Ben could hardly bear to stop touching her, and Rey seemed possessed by the same impulse. His hands brushed over her lower back and thighs as they walked, and Rey pulled him into a light kiss as they climbed the stairs.

At each pass they lingered longer, their movements more urgent. Anticipation was sweet, but it threatened to boil past endurance. Emboldened by her breathy gasps, Ben hoisted Rey bridal style into his arms and carried her laughing into the master bedroom.

Of all rooms within the townhouse, the master had seen the least renovation. Ben had adored the kingsized bed frame, matching dresser, and vanity of elegant teak, although he replaced the mattress and faded floral sheets with bamboo cotton in a mossy black green.

He laid her gently onto the wide expanse of velvety fabric, and settled with knees upon the carpet so he was looking up at her.

Rey's eyes were blown wide and her cheeks flushed from wine and chocolate and laughter.

"Let me take care of you sweetheart." The words bubbled up from somewhere within.

Touches with deft fingers, gentle caresses, languid sweeps of tongue--Ben had done these before and more, _they_ had touched and tasted one another, and now he learned her anew.

Stripped of barriers both physical and emotional, Ben allowed himself to take his time, licking into her sweet opening like a lush fruit, her soft sighs of pleasure a balm to his soul.

Coating his tongue in her slick arousal, Ben laved leisurely over her folds to the sensitive nub, alternating between gentle licks and suctioning the flesh between his lips.

When she came it was the sweetest devastation, pleasure torn from her lips in a scream as she ground her public bone on his tongue.

Pliant and satiated, Rey stretched across the king bed and presented herself like a goddess on a dais. "Come here, Ben."

He did not require instruction twice.

As lined himself up at her slick entrance, Ben stared down into her eyes, still a bit wet from tears but crinkling at the edges and filled with so much trust it made his throat run dry. "It's okay Ben. I need you."

It was with a feeling of absolution that he slid home.

They both cried out as her walls stretched to accommodate him. Burning with the desire to keep her closer, Ben gathered Rey into his arms so she straddled him, still buried inside her. Capturing her lips in a languid kiss, Ben pistoned his hips upward as Rey met him thrust for thrust.

With Rey's cries of pleasure providing tempo to his thrusts and the taste of her come still lingering on his lips, it wasn't long before Ben was at the edge of a precipice. "Rey," he panted, clawing at the vestiges of his self-control. "I need you come, sweetheart."

Rey gave a low whimper at his words, not spoken out of any particular attempt to be appealing, but Ben seized the power they endowed.

"R-Rey...your cunt feels _unbelievable_ , so good," he murmured against the shell of her ear, forgetting to be uncomfortable at giving voice to his thoughts. "I want to _live_ inside this cunt." _Especially_ when Rey shuddered around his cock. "Can you be good and come for me, sweetheart?"

It was like a wave cresting, tremors shaking through's Rey legs and inner walls until she was clenching around him with a strength that had his eyes rolling to back of his head. Ben was merely a boat caught in her tide, happily carried to his climax.

When they came down from it, Rey smiled at him a bit tearily, their bodies still intwined. "Hi," she whispered, a mischievous twinkle crinkling the corner of her eyes.

"Hi," he murmured back, nuzzling her shoulder and the tangled mass of chestnut curls.

Rey made a breathy sound as he trailed kisses across her shoulder, then released a low chuckle that vibrated against his lips. "Ben, not to be a buzzkill, but I can I borrow your loo?"

Huffing a laugh of his own, Ben left a smacking kiss on her lips then dropped his hands with a grin. "It's down the hall on the right."

Rey pulled off him carefully, and Ben had to bite his lip at the sensation of her tight walls releasing him, and the less pleasant trickle of his cum seeping down his crotch. Grimacing slightly, he called after Rey, "Let's take a shower when you're done."

" _God_ , yes please."

As Rey's footsteps receded into the hallway, Ben lay back against the mattress, eyes shuttering closed in a state of rare contentment.

The future ahead of him, with Rey, with any other of the complications in his life, were unknown. But for once, the thought did not send him into a spiral of anxiety.

In fact, he had nearly drifted into semi-sleep, when the buzzing of a cell phone awoke him.

Perhaps lulled by the lingering effects of orgasm and thoughts of Rey, Ben pulled the phone off the nightstand without complaint, and blinked several times before the name quite registered in his mind.

Mom

_Time to take responsibility._

Taking a deep breath, Ben answered.

"Hi Mom."

o-o-o-o-o-o

Friday morning dawned indolent and sweet, precisely one week from the first morning Ben had awoken in Rey's cramped graduate housing bed, despite himself enraptured by the young woman snuggled against his body.

This morning was different.

Maybe _he_ was different.

It was a work morning, but Ben determined to start off on a better second foot, as it were, pulling eggs, mushrooms, a sprig of parsley, a hunk of left over Camembert and spring onions from the refrigerator.

Leaving Rey a tousled sleepy, sweet smelling heap within the nest of moss green blanket had been an exquisite agony, but a silly grin pulled the side of his mouth at the thought of waking her to the aroma of coffee and breakfast. That was certainly his personal vision of a perfect morning.

Falling into the steady rhythm of slicing mushrooms and onions, chopping parsley and snacking on Camembert, Ben hummed a few bars of Chopin under his breath, and reflected on the conversations from the previous night.

_Rey worked her lower lip between charming white teeth, a gesture he was coming to recognize as a nervous habit of hers. "Are you sure? Won't it be an intrusion on your family?"_

_"I promise you won't be." His tone was firm, because it was true. Ben had felt a stranger to his own family for years, but he knew they would adore Rey. And Dad...he would have definitely approved. Softening at thought, Ben dragged Rey's fidgeting hand into his own, and pressed a kiss against the palm. "It would mean a lot to me to have you with me. I wasn't...around when it happened." He let out a low laugh, a bitter sound. "I hadn't decided to go until about one hour ago. But I need to stop running away.''_

_A tentative smile curved Rey's lips. "Then of course I'll be there."_

_"If it's any comfort, Rose and Hux have agreed to come along, and the alcohol will probably be flowing, knowing my Uncles. My Mom will be over the moon, I have to warn you. I'll do my best to talk her down ahead of time, but I'm sorry in advance for any discreet ring checking or your thoughts about weddings in New Hampshire."_

_Rey was grinning now, nose scrunched up adorably. "That desperate for grandkids, huh?"_

_A flush was making its way up his neck. "Not exactly. It's just, I've never brought a girlfriend to meet my family before."_

_"Oh." The tone, surprise and something Ben couldn't quite decipher drew some of his ever present anxiety crawling upward, but when he hazard a look at Rey's expression, those concerns fell away. There was a suspicious amount of wetness around her eyes but there was no mistaking the tears for anything but joy. "I could have sworn I'm not a cryer but the evidence would suggest otherwise. It's just, I've never been chosen before. Is this what it feels like?"_

"Something smells heavenly or I've died and despite the odds heaven exists and despite my disbelief have been allowed go there."

Dressed in a worn pair of sweatpants from his university days and t-shirt that made her look like a child dressed in her dad's clothes, Rey sauntered into the kitchen with a sleepy smile and leaned on her toes to press a kiss to his cheek.

When she meant to slide away, Ben placed down the spatula, pretty much finished cooking, and snaked an arm around her waist to pull her closer until his lips brushed her's. "Good morning," he murmured. Rey's tongue swept teasingly into his mouth, tasting faintly of mint, and Ben was happy to return it, pulling her closer until her athletic frame was pressed against his own and he stiffened in his pants.

Feeling his hardness through the borrowed sweatpants, Rey gave a playful wiggle before slipping away to filch a slice of Camembert from the cutting board.

Ben affected a look of mock disapproval, but Rey merely grinned and stole another.

"Brat."

"It's really good."

As they were breaking into their omelettes and having taken generous sips of espresso on Ben's part, and a latte on Rey's, the contented, munching silence was broken by Rey. Again biting her lip, she broached tentatively, "We didn't talk about it before, but I guess you now know my thoughts on the subject. Do you, you know, believe?"

Ben held back a smile at Rey's belated awkwardness. "Somedays more than others," was the first glib response to pass his lips. "My Dad was raised Catholic, but wasn't practicing. My mom shuffled us through various Protestant churches when I was in elementary school mostly for the community, but nothing ever really stuck. I guess I've maintained my own sense that there is something greater than me out there, but I don't give a name to it."

Rey nodded solemnly at the explanation, perhaps a bit relieved. "So...tomorrow won't be..."

"Religious? Nah, although my Uncle Luke has become a hippie after retirement so you may get proselyted in something."

"As long as it isn't anti-climate change or anti-vaxxing we're good."

"Uncle Luke isn't anti-science, but I make no promises on him trying to convince you of the benefits of some dubious supplement."

With a look comical dismay, Rey said firmly, "Rose and I will simply have to inform him of the science." 

The knife clutched within his hand made a rather forceful movement against the ceramic, issuing an unfortunate screech. It was hardly a surprise. In fact, the situation was orchestrated entirely at his own behest. He _knew_ Rose would be there the moment he asked Rey to come. He had informed Rey of that fact. And yet, he had not quite allowed himself to imagine them occupying the same space. His girlfriend and his best friend, who themselves were friends.

"What are you thinking?"

Ben tore his gaze away from his cooling omelette in a stupor, taking in the concern in the fine lines of her lovely face, the delicate furrowed line across her brow. "I--" he made a laugh pass his lips. "Rose is going to be even more ecstatic than my mother." He hesitated. "I haven't spoken to her much since, well, you know."

"Why not?" Rey's voice was neutral, as if the answer did not truly matter to her personally, but Ben knew better.

"I didn't know what to say."

Rey mulled his answer for a moment. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

The side of her mouth lifted slightly. "I'll keep that in mind." The brief levity soon vanished, however. "How do you feel about Hux?"

He blinked. "We're best mates. Have been for years. Same as Rose."

"And you don't get jealous? Resent him?"

 _Oh. That._ "No. I don't have that right. I mean, I won't pretend it hasn't ever bothered me. But in the grand scheme of things, I care about both of them. Their happiness is what matters most to me."

Apparently satisfied, Rey nodded and went back to scarfing down her food.

The rest of the morning passed without any conversations of important, though Rey was playfully put out when he insisted he needed to get to the office despite the enticing way she undressed from his borrowed clothing. 

It wasn't until he had dropped off Rey to her apartment, with a long, lingering kiss at a do-not-stop lane that had him stiffening in his trousers and the car behind him passive aggressively trailing his bumper before speeding off, and he was pulling in to the parking garage of his office building that it occurred to him to wonder.

Perhaps Rey wanted him to think about something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my attempt at writing romantic sex. Lol  
> I don't know where the Ben dirty talk came from.
> 
> The chapter count went up. I was a bit delusional to think I was going to satisfactorily wrap this up in one chapter plus epilogue.
> 
> Next chapter will be meeting the Family. You may have noticed I am playing coy as to the nature of this gathering, but that isn't because it is a twist, so much as Ben's own reticence on the subject.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi...?　　😅

_What gives, what helps_   
_The Intuition_   
_I'll know, I'll know_   
_(Oh) I won't have to be shown_   
_The way home_

Feist (Intuition)

 

_"Why don't you stop by on Sunday?"_

_Mom sounded tired over the receiver, but tinged with the same stubborn hope that this time he would say yes. "I'm planning to make a roast."_

_Despite himself, Ben quirked a smile into the speaker, at the notion that beef roast, and that made by his mother, a notoriously poor cook, would be the thing to change his mind._ Well in that case. _Still, he hated letting his mom down, even if she did come to expect it by this point. "Sorry Mom, I can't make it. You know junior associates get swamped. I'm barely meeting my billables as is."_

_He could hear his mother roll her eyes through the receiver. "I don't care how big a scrooge Snoke is. You should have time to see your mother on your day off."_

_Ben bit back a snappy retort. While his mother made little effort to hide her feelings on his boss, she didn't usually push this hard. Finally he sighed. "Will_ he _be there?"_

_"Of course he will. Where else would your father be than at home."_

_"So you would think," the words slipped out as his temper flared. As always his mother defended him. "If only he thought the same when I was growing up."_

_"Ben..." The pain which crackled through his mother's voice drew him up short. "How long are you going to let it stay this way?"_

_Ben clenched the phone within his hand, resisting the urge to throw it across the room or something equally destructive. "It's better for both of us if I stay away. Just let it go, please."_

_There was a sound like a muttered curse or a sniffling nose. "You pigheaded Solo men."_

"Hey? Are you alright?"

Ben smoothed the slightly crumbled paper cup from his rest station coffee, and glanced down at Rey, his lips immediately turning of their own accord into a smile.

As always, Rey was lovely in jeans and a peach hued sweater, hair pulled into neat little buns. She had fussed with it in the passenger side mirror that morning, admitting sheepishly she was nervous to meet his family, and _especially_ his mother.

"I'm fine. Just remembering." Ben made space on the picnic table, and Rey hopped up next to him, juggling a package of chicken nuggets and identical coffee cup. Automatically, Ben reached out a hand to assist her, finding himself with her coffee cup in hand until she snuggled against him. "We used to drive up this way a lot when I was growing up. My parents usually spent half the trip arguing and the other half scarring me irreparably."

Rey gave a sympathetic chuckle, sending a tingling warmth against his neck. "Were you close to your Dad?"

After accepting a chicken nugget from Rey, Ben exhaled softly. "When I was a kid he was my hero. My Dad was a pilot, and I wanted to be just like him. But it took him away from home a lot. And it wasn't always work that kept him." Bitterness for those old wounds bled through, and a hand brushed his suddenly. Ben blinked back tears. "My Mom forgave him, but I couldn't. Things were bad between us for a long time. Every time we met it ended in a fight. Then once I got my first real job after law school, we stopped talking entirely. When he died--" his voice broke, a quagmire of grief and pain unabated through the years. Rey was rubbing his back in soothing circles. "I realized there was so much I wish I got to say to him."

They fell into silence, but it was a comfortable one, turned toward the clear blue sky and Mt. Washington brushing wisps of clouds in the distance. Away from the city, the air was fresher and the horizon as far as the eye could see was of that achingly beautiful, dreamy quality that made him feel both wonder and loneliness as a child. With Rey's hand still twined to his, the prospect of facing this day seemed less daunting.

"Hey! Ready to go?"

Sipping coffees and looking like they stepped from an L.L. Bean catalog in striped polos, down parkas, and complementary scarves, Rose and Hux also wore matching beams as they stepped up the sidewalk. Rose, in particular, had a misty look as she gazed surreptitiously over their clasped hands, and Ben resisted the urge to pull away under her scrutiny.

Clearing his throat, Ben replied, "Yeah, sure. Let's hit the road."

There had not been a moment for private conversation with Rose, and given the reason for the day's events, her attention had been diverted to soft condolences and offering wordless support. Still, her delight at Rey's presence could not have been more apparent. As they headed back to Ben's Audi, Rose suggested lightly, "Rey, what do you say to sitting with me so Armie can stretch his legs up front?"

Rey was quick to agree, and the ladies chatted happily as they pulled into the backseat.

Having hung back slightly while the women went ahead, Hux pulled a lopsided smile at their retreating backs. "Glad to see you worked things out with Rey."

"Thanks. Me too."

Hux seemed to mull his words, then reached forward to squeeze his shoulder. "Hey, I know this wasn't easy for you. But we are here for you, for whatever, whenever you need us."

Emotion choked his throat slightly, but Ben managed a tight nod to express his gratitude. When he had regained control of his voice, he expressed quietly, "It means a lot to me, you guys came."

During their brief parting, Rose and Rey had begun what appeared to be a spirited discussion on science fiction novels. Despite Ben's discomfort in imagining the two women interacting, thus far the drive up to New Hampshire had passed pleasantly, with conversation divided equably amongst them. There had not, however, been a moment to witness Rose and Rey's friendship directly, and Ben found himself morbidly curious as to his own reaction.

"Ooh yes! I did read them. A friend had the game, so I used to play it after school. I could never quite put my finger on whether _Myst_ counts as fantasy or Sci-Fi. Of course, _Ender's Game_ and _Dune_ are favorites." Rey's voice was pitched higher with enthusiasm. 

The leather creaked beneath Rose's arm as she leaned over the car seat towards Rey. “I have a hypothesis, that has yet to undergo any rigorous testing, that fans of fantasy tend to go into the liberal arts--English, history etc--and fans of science fiction go into STEM.”

"Except--" Ben could not stop himself from interjecting, very aware of Rose's opinion on the well-trod topic, "that _I_ told you I read both. Your theory is invalid."

" _Hypothesis_ , Ben. And _I_ told you that Star Wars doesn’t really count as science fiction since the narrative relies heavily on a mystical ability/entity that is pretty much magic. Also, A+ for choosing a movie instead of a book."

"Fuck you,” Ben told her sweetly.

Rose merely grinned unrepentantly through the rearview mirror.

"I don't know Rose," he heard Rey drawl after her laughter abated. "I think I need to back up Ben on this one. The Force is an energy field created by living things and binds the galaxy. Sounds like some pseudo science to me."

Ben could practically sense the delight oozing off of Rose in three dimensions. "Is that your opinion as a girlfriend or an impartial thinker, Rey?" she cooed with absolutely zero subtlety.

Unable to help himself, Ben searched the mirror for Rey's reaction, catching a glimpse of mischievous hazel and tongue caught between teeth. "It's made of midi-chlorians?"

o-o-o-o-o-o

Varykino breached the clear cerulean sky like a fantastical ode to Old World elegance, undaunted by time or the intemperate human heart. The old manor house had endured a few seasons of blistering winter storms and torrential rain, but Luke had seen to maintaining the house and property. Tendrils of ivy and morning glories clung to the trellis encompassing the sprawling gardens and charmingly framed the pastel yellow facade and the floor to ceiling windows. As he pulled up the long driveway, several cars already parked at its end, Ben fell silent to the chatter of the others continuing around him. It had been years since Ben visited the property, and his heart clenched as it filled in the details—a boy’s laughter and sneakers dancing over stepping stones as his mother screeched after him to _slow down before he broke his neck_ , the eventual or inevitable tears over a stubbed knee and his father’s lopsided grin as he patched him up.

Simultaneously, it occurred to him, belatedly as it were, that he probably forgot to tell Rey some key information.

“What—here? This is your grandma’s house in the mountains? That your uncle runs his wellness retreat?”

“Er? Yes?”

There was a bark of laughter from the back seat, then Rose’s voice raised incredulously. “He didn’t tell you? What am I saying, _of course he didn’t_.” In a normal tone, she continued, “Ben’s family is loaded. Made their fortune in the chemical industry.”

Ben managed a quick glance to his side, and saw that Rey seemed disconcerted by the knowledge. “Wow,” she muttered, “I mean, you have a townhouse so I figured you were rich, but I had no idea it was the Great Gatsby over here.”

“I’m not _that_ rich,” he found himself interjecting, perhaps with some _slight_ defensiveness. “We’re only a branch of the Naberrie family. My grandmother had a trust fund, and inherited the house, but the rest of the money isn’t ours. No private jets or islands in the pacific.”

“’Shame that,” Hux chimed in.

They exited Ben’s Audi, starting the walk up to the house, and Ben sidled up to Rey, sliding his hand over her’s. “Hey.”

Rey was still blinking. “A _manor_ , Ben.”

“Sorry?”

She gave a low chuckle, then flashed a rueful smile. “I’m teasing you. It’s not important, it’s just, well, I grew up in the foster system.” With her free hand, Rey made a sweeping gesture over the property. “I knew we grew up in different circumstances, but I didn’t realize _how_ different.”

Another protest was on the tip of his tongue, but Ben forced himself to swallow the words. As much as he would like to deny the perception, another, wiser part of his brain was screaming to shut up and listen. _Rey_ was opening up to him about her past, something she had done only sparingly so far.

“It _is_ important.” A quick glance ahead revealed Rose and Hux were already making their way inside, but Ben let his feet stop in favor of focusing on Rey.

Rey pulled up short, both at his emphatic words, and because he had stopped walking abruptly, a slight furrow to her brow, and expression guarded.

Realizing that his wording was the cause of the unease, Ben gently pulled both her hands until they were cradled within his own. “It’s important because everything about you is important to me. Thank you for sharing yourself with me. I am sorry I didn’t tell you, and for making you feel uncomfortable.”

She raised her head at last, hazel depths glimmering with unshed tears. “There you go, spinning my head again,” she whispered, before reaching upward to brush her lips with his.

The kiss was as brief as a smile and chaste to boot, but it sent warmth through his body and made him long for the moment they would be alone at last. Preferably with a bed.

“Well well, if it isn’t the little starfighter.”

After not _quite_ springing apart like teenager’s caught making out, Ben rubbed his hands on his dark wash denim, as if subconsciously smoothing down any unfortunate boners, and turned toward the speaker.

Amused black eyes in a bed of crinkled laughter lines smirked down at him. Their owner, standing before the towered entrance dressed in an immaculate three piece suit and holding a glass of amber liquid, raised an eyebrow under his embarrassed scrutiny before giving Rey a delighted once over.

"Uncle Lando," he managed to choke out at last, slipping an arm about Rey's waist in a manner that was definitely unmotivated by alpha male posturing. "It's good to see you. This is my girlfriend, Rey."

The irrepressible charmer somehow managed to coax Rey's hand into his own, upon which he pressed a gentlemanly kiss upon the back. "Rey, it is a _lovely_ to meet you. And you have my thanks for encouraging Ben to come today."

"Oh! It is a pleasure. That is--" Rey looked adorably flustered. "It was all Ben's idea. I am just honored to be here."

Uncle Lando glanced at him knowingly, then slapped a hand over his back. Well into his seventh decade, the man still packed a hefty punch, and Ben grunted as he absorbed the blow. "Well, your mother is waiting for you inside, Ben," Lando continued genially. "I'm going to take a stroll in the garden, don't let me keep you young folks."

"Thanks, Uncle Lando," he murmured, slipping his hand into Rey's as he made for the door.

"And Ben?" His father's old friend had a hand slouched in his trouser pocket, and an odd smile pulling the side of his mouth. "Your father would be proud of you."

o-o-o-o-o-o

The Persian rug of pale pinks and faded wisteria branches stretched like a red carpet into the house proper, still scuffed in that spot he had decided to stretch his new soccer cleats in the fifth grade. Low voices and soft laughter carried from the adjacent sitting room that overlooked the breathtaking foothills. Swallowing his ill timed anxiety, Ben turned to Rey, quipping with a lightness he did not feel “I guess it would be rude to hide in a room somewhere.”

“Well at least you have a plan B all lined up,” Rey reassured, nudging him with her hip. “Hey, you’re not alone. Send the signal, and I’ll distract everyone with some abysmal table manners.”

Ben cocked his head to the side, trying to recall if Rey had chewed with her mouth open or eaten with her fingers. “Your manners aren’t that bad.”

“While I appreciate the support,” Rey replied dryly, “I meant I would put them on. Won’t be too hard to recollect. Finn was a kind, if tactless teacher.” As she spoke, Rey had slowly guided them toward the voices.

Well, it was now or never.

Taking Rey’s hand firmly within his own, Ben crossed the threshold.

There was an array of familiar faces, family, old friends--some weathered after the passage of years. Uncle Chewie and a petite Maz were yucking it up with Rose and Hux by the fire, while his retired Uncle by blood was chatting with a silvering Threepio, the fussy, if devoted caretaker of Varykino since before his birth. But Ben hardly took them in, his gaze zeroing in the one person who mattered most.

She sat at the bay window, sipping from a teacup of delicate porcelain, hair done up in a braided crown and draped in a blue gown Ben recognized as one of his father's favorites. For a moment she continued to gaze out at the humbling splendor, perhaps lost to memories as well, but as if guided by a tether born of a mother’s instinct, she turned to face him. The delight and love that bloomed on his mother's face caused an anguished twisting in his gut almost enough to bring him to his knees.

"Hi Mom."

“ _Ben_.”

A heartbeat later her petite form was cradled in his arms, the sweet, soothing floral fragrance of her shampoo engulfing his senses. “You came.”

Ben exhaled a snort against the top of an intricate braid. “I said I would.”

“Thank you.” Mom pulled away, tears shining through a soft smile. “Let’s say goodbye to your Dad together.”

"Okay." It came as whisper, a tear he hadn't noticed take form, trembling off his chin. With a shuddered breath, Ben wiped the errant tear, attempting to regain his equilibrium. Seeking the steady presence of Rey, he sent a hand reaching backward, where he was rewarded at the giving warmth of her hand slipping into his. Ben smiled gratefully at her tentative upturned lip, before clearing his throat. "Mom, this is Rey. Like I told you on the phone--"

"Oh hush. _Rey_ it is so good to meet you at last." Leia Organa-Solo was a force of nature on a normal day, but she was practically effervescent sweeping past Ben in her haste to greet Rey.

Who, for her part, seemed dazzled by Leia's effusiveness, stammering back, "It is lovely to meet you, Ms. Organa. Thank you for having me."

" _Please_ , call me Leia. Ben chose the _perfect_ time to introduce you to the whole family." His mother was glancing with obvious pleasure between them, no doubt ready to call the others over for introductions or personally announce Rey's upcoming induction into the family.

Remembering his own joke about weddings in New Hampshire, Ben chuckled nervously at his mother's enthusiasm. "Mom, I am going to give a quick hello to Uncle Luke and Uncle Chewie and introduce Rey. I’ll come right back."

But his mother waved them off, assuring him easily, "I need to speak with the caterers and may have a bit of a lie down before we start. You two get settled and relax." With a parting kiss on the cheek for Ben and a firm and, he daresay, _tearful_ hug for Rey, Leia sent them off.  
　  
After a moments silence, Rey was the first to speak. “Your mother is lovely. Also, I noticed that you seem to have a lot of Uncles.”

Before he could respond, a familiar voice cut in, “He absolutely does. But not all related by blood.” Rose intercepted them hands laden with two glasses filled with an orange red concoction. As they accepted the drinks, she added, "It's just juice, but if you need the stronger stuff Chewie's your man."

With a chuckle, Rey said, "Sounds like my kind of guy. Can I meet him next?"

"Of course. And I think I need whatever Uncle Lando was drinking." A generous sip of the punch only cemented that sentiment. Recalling Rey's comment, Ben told her, "Uncle Chewie is my Dad's oldest friend and co-pilot. He, Lando and Dad all go way back."

A lock loosened from the neat buns glided across her forehead as Rey smiled up at him softly. "I remember. You still have to bring me to Takodana."

"I will," he promised. Lost in the beguiling golden flecks in her hazel eyes, Ben forgot they were not alone, voice dropped to an intimate register. With his free hand, he brought the wandering lock behind her ear, letting his fingers brush her skin lightly.

"Save it for later kids. Looks like the party is coming to us." Rose's interruption, after sending embarrassment heating up his neck to his ears, proved to be well-timed, as both his Uncle Luke and Chewie came sauntering forward, a chatting Hux and Maz on their heels.

Ever since retiring from the firm, Uncle Luke had forgone the suit and tie of his professional life, opting for a wardrobe of loose linen trousers and shirts in a varied palette as if he were permanently stationed at a beach bar in the Caribbean and not New Hampshire. His current fashion choice was perhaps his interpretation of formal wear, a black long sleeved version of his usual get up. Wearing a twinkling smirk, Uncle Luke drawled dramatically, "If it isn't my naughty nephew."

At his side, Rey burst into a uncharacteristic giggle. With a long suffering sigh, Ben told her, "He's been calling me that for thirty years and refuses to stop."

"Suited you then, and suits you now."

Deciding that ignoring that comment was for the best, Ben grumbled as he accepted the peace offering of Luke's one armed hug. "And why the constant tone of surprise?"

As he pulled away, Luke gave a laconic shrug. "Still getting used having you around is all."

Towering over his Uncle by blood, Chewie's prodigious facial hair and stoicism was in contrast to Luke's lively amusement, but affection shone in his gentle black eyes. "Good to see you, kid. Heard you stopped by Takodana last week. Sorry to miss you."

In the long estrangement from his family, the only person with whom Ben regularly met was his father's oldest friend. Uncle Chewie's undemanding presence, and the kindness of rarely bringing up his father had kept the relationship afloat in spite of the rockiness with his family. It was only with the bittersweet regret of hindsight, that Ben realized it was his father's way of watching over him.

"I'll come by soon," he promised. Imbuing as much of the gratitude and love he felt as he met his Uncle's eyes, Ben told them, "I want you to meet Rey."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahem. _**Prepares to make excuses about the delay and the chapter count increase**_
> 
> If you can believe it, I've been writing this "final" chapter ever since watching TROS, with breaks for angry crying and procrastinating by watching youtube videos. The chapter ended up getting quite out of hand (and also very frustrating to write), so I decided to split the chapter (and perhaps not in the most seamless fashion). Part II is about 90% done so I hope to have it up in no more than a week.
> 
> For anyone wondering, the Naberries in this story are based loosely on the DuPont family, but as far as I could discover there are no great estates in New Hampshire so I just made it up with my haphazard understanding of architecture.
> 
> Since we are nearing the end, I just want to say thank you to everyone following along on this somewhat incoherent story. I started this with only a very loose plan which, in hindsight, was probably a bad idea, and I know there are so many things I could have done better. It was a learning experience, and with my next fic I can only endeavor to improve. 😉
> 
> Hopefully you were able to enjoy it anyway. 😊
> 
> Almost forgot, I recently revitalized my long neglected [tumblr](https://darthrena.tumblr.com/), so if you didn't jump ship with the Great Tumblr Migration, come say hello 😄


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is 😊

It began on the terrace overlooking the garden.

The yellow filaments of the terrace lights which replaced the gas lamps of his childhood, cast a golden net over the assembled faces. In summer days past, moths had flocked beneath the weathered copper and fireflies danced among the milkweed and foxglove and columbine.  The flowers were summoned from afternoons spent hand in hand with his grandmother, while she patiently named them ( _the very same carried in my bouquet when marrying your grandfather on the terrace_ ).

It was fresh spring blooms that filled the evening with their indolent fragrance, which coupled with the gentle lighting set a lovely, expectant air.

Leia stood before them a vision in sapphire and braids, fine lines crinkling around eyes into a fond smile. She let them linger over Rey, enchanting in a long-sleeved wrap dress of flowing green fabric. When his mother shifted back to him, she shot him a subtle nod, veritably twinkling her approval. She cleared her throat delicately, immediately gathering the attention of all.

"As you all know Han wasn't a religious man, so I won't bore you with speculation on the state of his soul."

At the pause, chuckles rang out with Uncle Lando's clear above them, while to Ben's right Uncle Chewie raised a glass to the heavens before taking a drink.

"Han preferred to put his trust in his instincts and made of the world with his own hands. Sometimes for better or worse." Leia's voice carried effortlessly, imbued with a mesmerizing warmth and humor that had long made those in her orbit love her. "But he knew the importance of family, both those of blood and those made. He _believed_ in loyalty to his friends. He loved you all dearly. And he loved his son fiercely."

A prickling at the back of his neck told him the gathered had all swiveled to glance at him, but Ben was focused on his mother, her rich chocolate depths welling with tears and defiance. A small hand pressed against his back, drawing circles beneath his shoulder blades. Rey's instinctive gesture did much to soothe the tension radiating through his body.

There was a noticeable ache to his mother's voice as she continued. "He wasn't always the perfect father or husband, but his heart beat for Ben. Before our son was born, Han had doubted whether he could be a father, given his troubled upbringing, as some of you knew. But the moment he held our son for the first time, I could the sense the change in him. 'Leia, he's the best of me. He's the best thing I'll ever do.'"

His mother broke off, overcome with emotion. Ben was little better, tears burning his throat and caught between the desire to comfort his mother and give in to an immobilizing deluge of grief. Before he could make himself move, Leia spoke again.

"Thank you all for joining me today, Han's true family. Let's remember him together, in the way he enjoyed best. To Han!" As she raised her glass high, a ragged chorus rang out.

And that was what they did.

The caterer's had laid out quite a spread--a beef roast stewed in apples and wine, a quiche made with spring onions, mushrooms and potato, flakey aperitifs filled with gruyere and ham were among the items. Bottles were pulled from the Naberrie's wine cellar to the whooping delight of some, while Uncle Luke protested an indistinguishable comment, _Of course I didn't drink them all!_

And Ben...felt a contradiction of affection yet isolation. With but apart from them.

Across the room, presiding over the din, Leia watched him with a sharp gaze, something in her stance knowing and compassionate.

"Ben?" Rey's voice brought him back, tugging him to take a seat.

She eyed the feast before them with a ravenous awe, and that, more than anything else, softened the taut lines of his brow.

Leaning forward to press a barely there kiss on her cheek under the pretext of handing her a dinner plate, Ben murmured, "Looks like my mom arranged enough food for thirty. The more you eat, the happier she'll be."

The twist of her lips told him Rey knew what he was about, but she wasted little time in piling her plate, then his for good measure.

As Rey considerately served generous helping after helping on his plate there was goodnatured ribbing--"Enjoy it while it lasts, mate" from Hux, followed by Rose's mock outrage, and "He'll need his energy for later" from Uncle Lando, paired with an unsubtle wink that had Ben swigging the generous glass of whiskey Uncle Chewie set in his hand.

They ate. They drank. They remembered his father.

They told stories, snippets of tales, some Ben had heard a hundred times, others, perhaps deemed too salacious for an eager primary schoolboy, told by an unrepentant Lando, were new to him. Luke and his mother regaled them with the time Uncle Luke and Dad tried to break into a precinct when Leia was arrested at a protest, only for the three of them to be locked up. Grandma Padme's fury had been legendary as she broke into her trust fund to pay off their bail.

As Lando was warming into another retelling of the time he lost the _Millennium Falcon_ , his Dad's beloved Cessna 172, at a round of cards, Ben watched with eyes half-lidded as Rose eased out of her seat on the opposite side of the table. The guests had been mingling fairly at this point in the evening, moving about for refreshment or to use the restroom. But instinctively Ben knew she was angling for the seat on his right, vacated by Uncle Chewie who was speaking quietly with his mother.

There was a whisper of silken fabric as Ben brushed Rey's back in a gentle caress, to murmur his entreaty. "Walk with me?"

Rey cocked her head slightly, a slow smile curving her lip. "Why not?"

o-o-o-o-o-o

The night was brisk. Even in mid-spring the mountains were cold in the evening and Ben dutifully shrugged off his jacket to drape it over her shoulders.

"How are you feeling? Is it too much yet?"

Rey chuckled, snuggling into his dinner jacket. "I'm doing fine. Your family is delightful. In fact, when you were visiting the loo, your Uncle Luke tried to convince me to bring us back for his wellness retreat in the end of August. 'Spiritual detox before the fall.'"

They shared grins, Rey's of toothy amusement, and Ben's more than a bit rueful and remorseful that his family were already eagerly going through his girlfriend to spend time together.

"But not just your Uncle... _everyone_ seems, so... _uninhibited_ , warm. It's nice." A wistful note touched her words, and Ben was seized with the irrational desire to speak foolish promises ( _They can be yours. I'll be yours_ ) if only to take away her sorrow.

Instead, Ben thought of her confession on the driveway. "You said we grew up differently." He hesitated, not sure how to broach the topic.

"Yeah we did." Rey shot him a tolerant look, as if aware of his awkwardness. "I didn't have a family that wanted me."

"I'm so sorry Rey. I probably seem like an ass to you." Especially, his inner voice continued with remorseless candor, after his mother’s impassioned speech. _He's the best of me._

Rey managed a wan smile. "Only a little," she teased. "It has taken me years to get to this point, Ben, but I understand even families that stay together aren't perfect. And it's like what your mom said, families are more than blood, _families are made_. For all the bad, there were amazing people in my life that made me who I am--Mashra, the local librarian who let me do homework everyday after school and helped me with college admissions, Finn who's like a brother to me, there's friends like Rose and Armitage. There's you."

"Oh." Eloquence was an ideal that Ben strove for but often fell short, but even if he had smooth capabilities to voice his thoughts, perhaps he still would have fallen into silence at the simple awe he felt for the woman before him. Her generosity, her incredible strength, and the humbling knowledge she saw something worthwhile in _him_.

Feeling tears pricking his eyes, Ben drew her hand upward to press a kiss across her knuckles, marveling at the softness of those ridges in contrast to the callouses on the inner skin against his fingers. At last he let those tears fall, whispering a choked, “Thank you.”

o-o-o-o-o-o

Ben was grateful for the silence.

Or at least, obfuscation by the deep thrum of air pressure and wind that rendered conversation pointless.

The canister rattled in his hand, low vibrations running up his forearms in a persistent reminder of its weight caught in the taut grip of his fingers.

Uncle Chewie seemed content in it, conducting the steady motions of bringing the light aircraft into altitude.

His father had put little stock in what would befall his body after death, not that the conversation had been a common one in the strained years when they were still speaking. But there had been no question in anyone’s mind that Han would like the idea of a send off in flight, and in the _Millennium Falcon_ no less. Although the Cessna 172 could carry up an additional two, it was decided that Ben and Chewie would do the honors.

Now retired as a commercial pilot, privately Chewie continued to fly the Cessna 172, co-owned by Han and himself until his death since the infamous card game with Lando. For the occasion, Chewie flew the _Falcon_ to the small landing turf Han had set aside for this purpose on the far side of the Naberrie property.

The worn off-white leather and lingering scent of tobacco brought a wave of memories and pained longing for those simpler times. If Ben shuttered his eyes he could imagine his eight year old self's irrepressible excitement to act as "copilot" to his Dad, and his father affecting a serious mien in the role of teacher that masked his delight.

There was good. There was love.

The memories were silver fissures in his heart, poignant but worthy of his remembrance.

His knuckles whitened around the canister.

When the time came, Chewie laid an enormous hand his shoulder, mouthing something like, _It's time, Ben_.

Nodding numbly, Ben cranked down the side window, finding himself immediately engulfed by powerful wind and its howl. The canister opened smoothly, as it was designed, and there was nothing left but to do it.

The sky stretched like an impossible expanse of pink and cream. The wispy clouds parted over verdant, rolling hills. Among the green were ropes of silver and black snaking up the hills--mountain roads of packed earth and those of asphalt, and a few squares in whites and blues and pastel yellow, minuscule homes containing people waking to the promise of a new day.

Ben ran a tongue over cracked lips, moved them in tandem with his trembling hands.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry, Dad. I _forgive_ you. A-and, I love you."

His whisper caught in the howl of the wind, Ben let his father go.

o-o-o-o-o-o

Varykino was every bit as beautiful coming up the drive as it was yesterday afternoon. It had been dark when they left the house in the early morning, but they were rewarded now by the soft lighting over the columned entranceway, and the morning-glories furled upon the garden trellis.

Where Rose was waiting for him.

But honestly, he had expected it somehow.

"Hey." Sitting on the steps of the garden in a thick down parka and clutching a thermos like a peace offering, Rose offered him a tentative, lopsided grin.

"Hey."

"Morning Chewie," Rose called, looking over his shoulder.

Chewie gave a grunted acknowledgement. "Surprised to see you up, kid. I'll be hitting the hay. See you two later."

Murmuring his thanks to his Uncle as he squeezed his shoulder, Ben walked slowly up the stone path until he sat down heavily next to his best friend.

The stone was cold beneath him even through his jeans, despite having acclimated to the morning temperature, so he was grateful when Rose dropped the thermos into his hands.

Taking a sip, he murmured, "Still hot. Thanks."

"It does the job." Rose's voice was pitched oddly, as if she was tripping over the things she wanted to say. It made Ben's anxiety kick into drive, and he reflexively clenched his fists around the thermos and focused on the delicate fern moss crawling up the boulder which stood in boundary to the garden on the path to his left. Finally she worked up the nerve to continue, spitting out, "You've been avoiding me."

" _Not_ avoiding you."

"You are." Rose let out a noisy exhalation, sending condensation into the cold air. "I've been trying to give you space. With everything with Rey, with your Dad. But something isn't right between us." There was a deliberate pause, then, as if steeling herself, Rose said quietly, "Ever since I told you Armie proposed."

And there it was. A question lingering in the chasm of unvoiced longings and feelings, mired in a purgatory of anguish, an affection born from a toothy grin across the lunch table and a sheen of smooth hair pulled into a high ponytail, and nurtured through late night phone calls to muffle the sound of arguments that echoed through the floorboards. The weight of it made his heart ache with the intensity of a sore tooth he could not help but prod. Ben let it flood through him as he turned to face her.

And there, written in her gentle brown eyes welling with unshed tears, beseeching and determined, was the answer. 

_Oh_.

"You know." It wasn't a question.

"Of course I _know_ Ben." A note of desperation colored Rose's voice. Tears traced down her golden cheeks. "You think you love me, your best friend who has been in a relationship for ten years."

Despite his own realization, it was jarring to hear the words put baldly from Rose's mouth. The retort fell from his lips naturally, out of habit. "I don't _think_ I love you, I do--"

"Yes, of course, you love me. I love you too," Rose interrupted impatiently. "You know what I'm saying Ben. It's so very safe to love someone who is unavailable, isn't it?"

Ben, poised to argue, fell silent at the piercing look. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Rose was silent a moment. "Yes you do," she replied in a much gentler tone. "Ben, when do you think you fell in love with me?"

Ben ran a hand through his hair impatiently. "When? I don't know. The moment we met? It feels like forever ago."

"Armie and I started dating six years after we all became friends. You had plenty of time to make a move. But you didn't."

"We're friends," he retorted, weakly. "I didn't want to risk losing you. Like I lost--" the words choked off with an abrupt well of emotion. Ben stomped to his feet, overwhelmed with the desire to cry or dissolve into a teenage rage.

Rose did not move from the stone step. "Your Dad."

"That's _different_."

Rose raised an eyebrow. "Is it? You and I both know you lost your Dad long before he passed away. You've been carrying this hurt and pushing away anyone who tries to get close to you for most of the time I've known you."

The accusation stung. "You don't know _what_ you're talking about." It was childish, but the sharp denial felt perversely satisfying.

Rose surged to her feet, lip trembling in frustration or anguish or both. " _Then tell me Ben_. Because I don't want to lose you either."

The vulnerability knocked the wind from his fury. "I'm sorry, Rose."

At his words, Rose seemed to waver slightly, relaxing the taut hold upon her shoulders, although her brow remained furrowed and she waited for him to continue in silence.

"You're right. He was always leaving. Always disappointing me. Each time it happened I told myself to care less, to hurt less." The admission was nothing he had not thought before, and yet it slipped his lips leaden with defeat. "I suppose at some point I thought, what's the point in giving someone that kind of power over you?" he asked bitterly.

" _Oh Ben_." The whispered exhalation was weighted with her sorrow. "Love isn't a zero sum game, but it's worth it for the right person. _God_ , you don't want to hear this from me. I'm sorry."

As Rose began stomping away, voice running high with discomfort, Ben called after her. "Wait, it's alright. I don't mind, not really." Oddly, it was true. There was a surprising ease to discussing the one matter he never could with his best friend.

Nose scrunched up as if analyzing some inscrutable quandary, Rose studied him before slowly enunciating, "You're really falling in love with her, aren't you?" 

"I-" Prevarication, demurral--easy options arrayed before him as instinct warred against his better mind. Ultimately, however, a newer, brighter part of him, bolstered by Rey's hopeful smiles and honest acceptance in the moonlight, abhorred denial of any part of her. "Yeah. I guess I am."

Rose was beaming, eyes crinkling through what he thought were happy tears. "You better not fuck it up, Solo."

And that surprised a laugh out of him. It probably wasn't that funny, yet he let loose a snort driven by surprise and the joy of some weight lifted from his shoulders. "I'll do my best."

"Ben....are we okay?" Rose's boots were dancing upon the ground, either in cold or nerves, and he noted, fondly, that she was wearing those colorful Ghibli socks again, on full display beneath the cuffs of her jeans. He took in her rosy cheeks and bitten lips, and wondered how long she had waited in the morning chill, to catch him without others around. 

"Yes, Rose," he assured her softly, "we're going to be okay."

o-o-o-o-o-o

Soft morning light cast a gentle radiance over the smooth, tanned legs peaking from under the comforter and the cloud of fine hair spread upon the pillow.

After pulling off his thick lambswool sweater and shucking it forcefully in the direction of the dove gray velvet armchair in the corner, Ben slipped off his indoor moccasins (after the Cleats Incident, Leia insisted upon a strict no shoes in the house policy) and padded toward the bed. Each heavy tread made the wooden flooring creak, but Rey did not stir at the noise. Ben burrowed gratefully into the kingsized guest bed, gravitating to Rey's sleeping warmth to press his face against the smooth skin of her neck and slide his arms about her waist. Inhaling the clean scent of shampoo, Ben allowed himself a moment to just... _be_.

The sweet song of a White-throated sparrow was just audible over the sounds of the house shuffling to wakefulness and Rey's steady exhale.

He could smell the faintest trace of cedar wood from the bed frame, and coffee percolating in the kitchen.

Ben had never been particularly skilled at shutting off the dizzying spiral of his thoughts, but at present it did not feel like such a troubling endeavor. Pulling himself away slightly to indulge the sudden fancy of tracing the tanned expanse of Rey's bare shoulder, he froze at a murmured, "Don't leave."

Easing himself back against her, Ben pressed an apologetic kiss against her nape. "Did I wake you?"

"Hmm. I was only half asleep. You're warm." Rey turned in his arms to snuggle against his chest, giving him a generous view of dusky nipples from her gaping camisole.

"That's because you're half naked." Ben snaked an arm around her waist to launch himself downward so that a nipple was in perfect reach of his mouth.

"I get hot-- _Ben_!" Her sleepy exclamation transformed into a moan as he gave her breast a languorous sweep of tongue and the slightest graze of teeth. Ben smiled against the hollow between her breasts at her whimpered protest while he shifted to the other side, providing the same tender suckling to the nipple thrust helpfully into his mouth.

Once Rey was writhing beneath him, Ben slid a hand down the cotton camisole to find the band of her panties. The fabric clung to her mound as he dipped beneath the band to find the slippery heat of her entrance. She parted like silk to his finger, sinking knuckle deep without resistance, then clenched on his finger as he withdrew it to run up and down her slit in teasing strokes.

"Ben, _please_." Even as she ground down on his fingers, Rey was scrambling at his body, finding the belt to his jeans and fumbling with the zipper, until Ben relented and assisted in shucking off the restricting garment and dragging off her own soaked panties. As much as he enjoyed teasing and drawing out her pleasure, Ben eagerly awaited the grasp of her hot fingers around his straining erection. A deep groan released as she pumped him, and he could feel, viscerally, blood rushing through his body to concentrate entirely beneath her touch. "Inside me now, Ben. Please."

After an obscene squelch of his fingers detaching from her cunt, Ben coated himself with her slick then lined his cock at her entrance.

She took him in with a sigh, a velvet sheathe gripping and pulling him inward until there was nowhere further to go. They both groaned in unison at the sensation, at the almost too tight fit that verged on the knife edge of pain and pleasure. Hazily, Ben took in Rey’s parted lips and reddened nipples, and captured her lips in a rough kiss, tongue plunging into her eager mouth and swallowing her moans.

Rey made little sounds as her hips gyrated against him in an unsubtle demand for movement. Her walls dragged along his cock as he pulled out shallowly then slammed back in, drawing out cries from them both.

Instinctively, Ben knew he wouldn’t last long, but something within him longed for closeness and fulfillment in Rey. The primitive communication of two bodies speaking through the surge of blood and the press of flesh both sweet and devouring. Even as plunged into her eager warmth, Ben felt himself the supplicant, in awe of her brilliance.

Rey clutched his face with both hands, pulling him downward to press an open mouth kiss to his lips. "Ben," she murmured thickly, a heady siren call into his ear, " _Let me_." For the rest of her intent Rey made clear with her body, easing forward with muscled thighs about his waist as she steadily and compellingly took over the pace.

Ben gave it over eagerly, and sighed at her slim fingers coursing through his hair as her hips undulated over him.

There was relief to it, in relinquishing control, to taking in Rey’s parted lips and half lidded lashes as she worked herself--worked them both--to the height of pleasure.

Rey came with a cry caught beneath teeth as she seemingly attempted to maintain a discreet volume. He could only endeavor to do the same, grunting as her slim muscles gripped him, and an answering surge of heat flooded through him in euphoric release.

Brought back to the mundane world, Rey seemed as reluctant to part as he, pulling away only to be drawn into his embrace. Ben buried himself in the sweet mass of her tangled waves again, soothed by her scent now mingled with his own, and Rey’s fingers running idly over the sleeve of his black henley, which he never managed to remove. He smirked into her hair as he considered she was in the same state, still wearing the cotton camisole and nothing else.

"How'd it go this morning?" Obviously preoccupied with matters other than their amusing state of matching undress, Rey tilted her head slightly so she was facing upward as she spoke.

Ben thought a moment. Of the buffeting wind that deafened his ears, of the snow capped Mt. Washington glistening with unworldly beauty in the early light, of the impossibly quick fall of Dad's ashes into the imperceptible distance, of Uncle Chewie's strong grip on his shoulder when they touched down and gruff assurance, _He loved you, kid_.

His throat grew tight. "He's gone now." Ben clenched his fist around the sheets. "I said goodbye." He let the fabric release with a long exhale.

Rey's hand groped behind her until finding his own, clasping him in a silent, _I'm here_.

There was a long, easy silence. Ben nearly thought she had drifted back into sleep, but the irregularity of her breathing told otherwise.

"I talked to Rose. _Really_ talked."

There was a hitch of breath, and a stillness to indicate Rey's attention was captured even before she spoke. "Oh?"

"She told me..." Ben hesitated. To share with Rey the fraught conversation, and the confidences exchanged, was without question, but all at once he struggled with giving voice to his own feelings. Simultaneously, within him unearthed a frisson of fear. Would Rey be understanding of the muddle that was his heart? As if in answer to his paralysis, Rey gave his hand a gentle squeeze, and Ben continued in a rush. "She told me she knew about my feelings, but that I only love her because it's safe. And I realized--"

Rey hardly seemed to be breathing as she rolled to her right to face him. "Realized what, Ben." Her voice was merely a whisper, but trembled with dark currents beneath the surface.

Caught in the thrall of hazel eyes that contained constellations, Ben was a willing captive. He couldn’t have turned away if he tried. "That I don’t want to be safe with you. I want to, _fuck_ , make mistakes and care too much and spend this day and all those that follow making love to you. If you let me. Even if--" Ben swallowed hard, the very thought paining him, but continued, "even if one day you leave me. And Rose...Rose is always going to be a part of me, but it's you I want to be with."

The breath was stolen from him by the speed of which Rey's arms wound about his neck, face pressed wetly against the black henley. Ben pulled her to him tightly, marveling at the sweet promise of her slight form, something like hope blooming within him. They held each other in overwhelmed silence, and Ben listened to the gentle thrum of her breathing. At last Rey pulled back to brush a palm over the stubble of his cheek.

"I want to be with you, Ben, as long as you'll have me."

The sincerity shining through her cracking voice had tears welling in his eyes. "Really?"

Rey bopped him on the nose, a gesture that surprised a shaky laugh out of him. "Of course really. She's your Finn."

"What?" The easy reply was lost on him, and admittedly his brain was still awash in the joy of Rey's answer, occupied with drinking in her charming sprinkling of freckles and crinkled eyes.

Rey shot him a tolerant look, full of amused affection. "She's family. Of course you love her."

_Oh. Could it really be so simple?_ Ben raised an absent hand through his hair, pondering the notion, then glanced up when Rey chuckled.

"Families are made, and sometimes they make us without us realizing it," she told him matter of factly.

As he let Rey cajole him from the bed, pulling the lambswool sweater over his head with feet on tiptoes, following the intoxicating aroma of coffee, Ben knew it would be more than a day, or days or even weeks to work through the seismic changes this morning brought. But he knew exactly who he wanted by his side while working through them.

Drawing an arm around Rey's shoulders, he said lightly, "You know, New Hampshire _is_ beautiful in August."

Rey raised an eyebrow, lips twitching. " _You_ want to attend a wellness retreat?"

Ben hummed, mind already tripping ahead over summer blossoms and Rey's unbound hair streaming in the sunlight. "I had something else in mind. Maybe one day."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: I originally planned to make the Solo-Organas Jewish, but when looking up funeral rituals I found out that cremation is forbidden for Orthodox Jews so I decided to stick with something more familiar. I was also surprised to discover that the Catholic Church forbids the spreading of ashes. My grandmother, who was a devout Catholic, had requested her ashes to be spread near her hometown in northern Spain which we did a couple years after she passed. I based this on her.
> 
> A sincere thank you to everyone who followed along on this story. Your comments throughout have meant the world to me.
> 
> There will be an epilogue. I have some ideas for it but it is not yet written so hopefully l will have that finished in a month or so. 
> 
> [darthrena](https://darthrena.tumblr.com/)


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